• A Girl's Guide to Vampires

  • By: Katie MacAlister
  • Narrated by: Karen White
  • Length: 13 hrs and 15 mins
  • 4.0 out of 5 stars (413 ratings)

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A Girl's Guide to Vampires  By  cover art

A Girl's Guide to Vampires

By: Katie MacAlister
Narrated by: Karen White
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Publisher's Summary

Joy Randall's Top-five tips for vampire hunters:

  • Location, location, location. Vampires won't be caught dead (ha!) in places like discos, 10-minute lube shops, or Switzerland. Remember, if you wouldn't be there, neither would a bloodsucker.
  • Trust your eyes. You know the handsome, annoyingly arrogant, self-assured man in the shadows with long hair and a cleft in his chin? He's your vampire.
  • No matter how tempting it might be, do not "accidentally" acquire a paper cut on your finger and suggest your vampire kiss it to make it better.
  • Play it cool. Don't offer to accompany your prince of the night on the talk-show circuit, and whatever you do, don't offer him your heart!
  • Most of all, remember: being a vampire is nothing to laugh about.
©2003 Marthe Arends (P)2012 HarperCollinsPublishers

What listeners say about A Girl's Guide to Vampires

Average Customer Ratings
Overall
  • 4 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    193
  • 4 Stars
    93
  • 3 Stars
    74
  • 2 Stars
    39
  • 1 Stars
    14
Performance
  • 4 out of 5 stars
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    218
  • 4 Stars
    82
  • 3 Stars
    55
  • 2 Stars
    16
  • 1 Stars
    15
Story
  • 4 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    186
  • 4 Stars
    77
  • 3 Stars
    71
  • 2 Stars
    27
  • 1 Stars
    24

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

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  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    2 out of 5 stars

Female lead too stupid to live

What would have made A Girl's Guide to Vampires better?

A smarter, more mature female lead. I read/listened to some immature, idiotic female characters before but Joy takes the cake.

Who would you have cast as narrator instead of Karen White?

Emma Galvin or Kristine Hvam. They're both awesome.

You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

It was a fun story.

Any additional comments?

The best friend Roxy was also really annoying.

11 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

Maybe it was Katie's first "stab" at writing

Smarmy lead guy with antiquated language "Baby" this and "Baby" that. Really idiotic leading female whom all the men in the story inexplicably fall head over heels for. One lonely vampire almost as an after-thought? This is a Vampire story. Where are the sexy Dark Ones?

This book is nowhere near the level of the books later in the Dark Ones series. I really enjoy Katie MacAlister. I think her writing is irreverent and down right laugh out loud funny. Maybe this book was written before she really developed her style.

If you've never read the Dark Ones before, start with a newer one. (I started with Zen and the Art of Vampire, because that was what Audible had before the first three were re-issued.) Then come back and get the first ones just so you can find out how some of the characters end up with their beloveds.

7 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

Couldn't get past the fat-shaming elements

I tried since Katie MacAlister was recommended as a read-alike for Molly Harper but couldn't get past the fat shaming elements in the first few chapters. Maybe it would have been different if I were reading it. Hopefully the book gets better but this one wasn't for me.

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

20-30 somethings acting like 14-year olds

I’m really tired of authors writing stupid, gullible, will-less women as supposed heroines. I recognize that there are women who firmly believe that fictional “monsters” are actually “real,” but these characters are so juvenile in behavior and speech that they render the paranormal world presented here quite ludicrous and downright annoying. Joy and, especially, Roxy act like tweens drooling over a fan pic of a boy band. Do adult women actually identify with these unappealing idiots? If this is a book aimed more at tweens and teenagers, then there is far too much graphic sex. If it is aimed at an older audience, then I have little faith in the future of the species.

The story might be good as might the paranormal world the author is trying to create, but her choice of characters and their behavior smacks of lazy writing. I have listened to about a third of the book and am so frustrated and annoyed with the characters that I no longer care what happens to them. I’d prefer that a “Dark One” simply drains them both dry and other characters take their place! It’s going back!

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars

Great Friendship and Romance

Listened for Fun (Audible)
Tracking Books Read Review (Short)
Overall Rating: 3.75
Story Rating: 3.50
Character Rating: 4.00

Audio Rating: 4.00 (Not Part of the Overall Rating)

First Thought when Finished: A Girl's Guide to Vampires was a fun read and my favorite part was the friendship between Roxy and Joy!

Overall Thoughts: Fun! Fun! Fun! This is one of those reads that I had zero expectations going in and ended up really surprised how much I enjoyed the characters. I loved the friendship between Roxy and Joy and the chemistry between Raphael and Joy was hawt! I thought the story took awhile to get going but the second half really took off. I will check out more from this series. The epilogue was hilarious and perfect for Roxy's voice.

Audio Thoughts:

Narrated By Karen White / Length: 13 hrs and 19 mins


I like Karen White's narration. She is excellent at bringing to life fun, spunky leading ladies. She did a great job with Joy and Roxy!

Final Thoughts: Will have to work book 2 into my book budget!

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

Terrible!

Any additional comments?

Bad story, bad reading, really terrible. Kept thinking it would get better.... it didn't.

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars

THIS is Not the Katie MacAlister we know!!!

I first started listening to Ms MacAlister with the "Dragon Series". I thirsted for each book as it came out. Always pleased with the product, I came back time and again for more. Those series (Green, Silver, Light, Black, etc.) were witty in dialogue, well characterized in number of distinct personalities, broad in storyline and worthy of the public acclaim that they achieved.

Then, having no more in that series to read, I started with some of her "other" Vampire books only a few of which were carried by Audible (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Fang, etc.) and found the surprisingly good as well.

When these 3 books came out in 2013, I was so eager to feed my habit that I did not even listen to a sample of the books, I just purchased them. These books, apparently all in the "Dark Ones" series (but neither labeled nor numbered that way except for this first book) are little more than formulaic with flat characters, shabby storylines and a blind of overly descriptive sex scenes that neither arouse nor deceive the listener into believing that this is up to the previous Ms MacAlister's writings. If these were her first works, I could allow that, as a beginner, she could in time grow to be the KM we all know. However, that is not the case and it appears that these works are merely trying to "cash in" on her previous legacy.

Needless to say I will not be following this series.

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars

Must be Able to Laugh Out loud

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

if you need laughs in your life, this is the book. You must be doing something that enables you to have the time to laugh out loud. This a light listen with core romance and mystery.
Humor and whit are the gifts Ms MacAlister brings to her stories...these are not FSOG type
material, just good old story telling that will make you laugh

Who was your favorite character and why?

Joy, her name tells the why. Her side kick made for a lot of laughs as well. If you want a complicated story, this is not for you. If you want to get an up lift in your attitude by listening to a core romance, this maybe for you.

Which character – as performed by Karen White – was your favorite?

I have purchase most of Ms White recordings as she has such a rich range and reading speed that captures written good humor. I found the MacAlister stories by hunting down what Ms White reads. Her US series are a lot of fun. Enjoy

Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?

yes, when Joy feels she is more important, than letting our hero keep his secret

3 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    2 out of 5 stars

NOT a Vampire Romance!!!

What disappointed you about A Girl's Guide to Vampires?

It's a VAMPIRE book and the vampire is not even one of two main charaters!

What was most disappointing about Katie MacAlister’s story?

The premise of the series is supposed to be a vampire finding his one true mate. Except that's NOT what happens. It felt like a waste of time and money when you expect to get a vampire romance, and then don't get that!

Have you listened to any of Karen White’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

I liked her performance fine.

If you could play editor, what scene or scenes would you have cut from A Girl's Guide to Vampires?

If I could play editor, this book wouldn't have gone in this direction at all, or would have been returned to be rewritten.

Any additional comments?

If you name a book A Girl's Guide to Vampires, I expect one of the two main characters to BE a vampire.

3 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    3 out of 5 stars

Sadly doesn't quite hold up

I enjoy a lot of Katie McAlister's books and recently finished the Audio versions of her Aisling Grey series. I figured the Dark Ones would be fun next, as I like that series as well.

Unfortunately, the audio performance didn't just detract from the book, it made it very frustrating and unpleasant to listen to. I didn't mind the performer's voices, but I minded very much that anyone who was not American spoke... very... broken... sentences. Even people stated as having an English accent, or the fact that the area they're visiting has people from all over the world visiting. As most of the main characters including both of the love interests are not from the US, it means even during hot and heavy scenes you listen to a character who sounds like Sesame Street's Count and the Swedish Chef had a kid.

Even speeding up the narration didn't help. There is no real characterization of voices -- instead of a voice, they just get stuck with broken, plodding English. Nevermind the main characters are all fluent in English and in text have actual personalities. This was incredibly disappointing, because it's constant, so any of the feelings I had for sections of the book (ridiculous, funny, romantic, sad) are gone and replaced with pure annoyance. I'm sad to lose all of the characters to this.

I forgot how much casual racism was in this book (a lot of g*psy and similar pejoratives), which also led to it not standing up well to nostalgia.

I will re-read this book but not re-listen to it; the whole thing feels whitewashed to the point of no one having any personality at all, which is a shame.

I won't be listening to more in this series if they have the same performer -- most take place in Europe, and I can't listen to every single line of dialogue coming like pulling teeth, word by word, simply because the speaker isn't American. Oof.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 06-16-20

unreadable

Ridiculously idiotic characters with an incredibly stupid storyline. The "heroines" are brainless twits that don't deserve a story. I couldn't finish this book as I found it so frustrating.