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A Girl's Guide to Vampires
- Narrated by: Karen White
- Length: 13 hrs and 15 mins
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Publisher's Summary
Joy Randall's Top-five tips for vampire hunters:
- Location, location, location. Vampires won't be caught dead (ha!) in places like discos, 10-minute lube shops, or Switzerland. Remember, if you wouldn't be there, neither would a bloodsucker.
- Trust your eyes. You know the handsome, annoyingly arrogant, self-assured man in the shadows with long hair and a cleft in his chin? He's your vampire.
- No matter how tempting it might be, do not "accidentally" acquire a paper cut on your finger and suggest your vampire kiss it to make it better.
- Play it cool. Don't offer to accompany your prince of the night on the talk-show circuit, and whatever you do, don't offer him your heart!
- Most of all, remember: being a vampire is nothing to laugh about.
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What listeners say about A Girl's Guide to Vampires
Average Customer RatingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
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- Michelle
- 01-13-20
Couldn't get past the fat-shaming elements
I tried since Katie MacAlister was recommended as a read-alike for Molly Harper but couldn't get past the fat shaming elements in the first few chapters. Maybe it would have been different if I were reading it. Hopefully the book gets better but this one wasn't for me.
4 people found this helpful
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- Dragonscar
- 01-13-18
20-30 somethings acting like 14-year olds
I’m really tired of authors writing stupid, gullible, will-less women as supposed heroines. I recognize that there are women who firmly believe that fictional “monsters” are actually “real,” but these characters are so juvenile in behavior and speech that they render the paranormal world presented here quite ludicrous and downright annoying. Joy and, especially, Roxy act like tweens drooling over a fan pic of a boy band. Do adult women actually identify with these unappealing idiots? If this is a book aimed more at tweens and teenagers, then there is far too much graphic sex. If it is aimed at an older audience, then I have little faith in the future of the species.
The story might be good as might the paranormal world the author is trying to create, but her choice of characters and their behavior smacks of lazy writing. I have listened to about a third of the book and am so frustrated and annoyed with the characters that I no longer care what happens to them. I’d prefer that a “Dark One” simply drains them both dry and other characters take their place! It’s going back!
4 people found this helpful
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- Felicia The Geeky Blogger
- 01-19-14
Great Friendship and Romance
Listened for Fun (Audible)
Tracking Books Read Review (Short)
Overall Rating: 3.75
Story Rating: 3.50
Character Rating: 4.00
Audio Rating: 4.00 (Not Part of the Overall Rating)
First Thought when Finished: A Girl's Guide to Vampires was a fun read and my favorite part was the friendship between Roxy and Joy!
Overall Thoughts: Fun! Fun! Fun! This is one of those reads that I had zero expectations going in and ended up really surprised how much I enjoyed the characters. I loved the friendship between Roxy and Joy and the chemistry between Raphael and Joy was hawt! I thought the story took awhile to get going but the second half really took off. I will check out more from this series. The epilogue was hilarious and perfect for Roxy's voice.
Audio Thoughts:
Narrated By Karen White / Length: 13 hrs and 19 mins
I like Karen White's narration. She is excellent at bringing to life fun, spunky leading ladies. She did a great job with Joy and Roxy!
Final Thoughts: Will have to work book 2 into my book budget!
4 people found this helpful
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- Empress Karen
- 12-30-13
Must be Able to Laugh Out loud
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
if you need laughs in your life, this is the book. You must be doing something that enables you to have the time to laugh out loud. This a light listen with core romance and mystery.
Humor and whit are the gifts Ms MacAlister brings to her stories...these are not FSOG type
material, just good old story telling that will make you laugh
Who was your favorite character and why?
Joy, her name tells the why. Her side kick made for a lot of laughs as well. If you want a complicated story, this is not for you. If you want to get an up lift in your attitude by listening to a core romance, this maybe for you.
Which character – as performed by Karen White – was your favorite?
I have purchase most of Ms White recordings as she has such a rich range and reading speed that captures written good humor. I found the MacAlister stories by hunting down what Ms White reads. Her US series are a lot of fun. Enjoy
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
yes, when Joy feels she is more important, than letting our hero keep his secret
3 people found this helpful
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Performance
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- Jessica
- 02-04-13
Female lead too stupid to live
What would have made A Girl's Guide to Vampires better?
A smarter, more mature female lead. I read/listened to some immature, idiotic female characters before but Joy takes the cake.
Who would you have cast as narrator instead of Karen White?
Emma Galvin or Kristine Hvam. They're both awesome.
You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?
It was a fun story.
Any additional comments?
The best friend Roxy was also really annoying.
11 people found this helpful
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- SandyLee
- 05-31-18
Whiney women and over the top machismo
The lead & supporting female leads are the worst women ever. I would NEVER put up with Roxy's crap and inconsiderate behavior. This book just puts a stamp on the old adage that women aren't intelligent. The men were over the top with their crude behavior. Putting the two together just made it worse than ever. Makes me rethink taking advice of other paranormal readers.
2 people found this helpful
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- Gaele
- 04-22-14
full of gentle teasing and outright laughs
I should preface this review by saying that I have been a fan of Katie MacAlister (and her alter-ego for YA/Teen Reads) Katie Maxwell for a long while now: my daughter and I would pass her books back and forth repeatedly and read them regularly. So it was particularly wonderful to have won this AudioBook copy.
Significant parts of the story are told in the heroine, Joy’s, voice: smart, self-deprecating, funny and charmingly inept in relationships Joy and her best friend Roxy are off to the Frankfurt Book Fair, with a side trip to the Czech Republic to bask in and hunt down their favorite author, the reclusive CJ Dante, author of the Dark Ones series: full of alpha male vampires and the heroines who love them.
From one moment to the next, this story is full of gentle teasing and outright laughs: Joy is marvellously snarky and Roxy is a bit of a Chihuahua: tiny, mouthy and full of energy. Roxy also completely and utterly believes in the existence of vampires, and feels, from her obsession with Dante’s books, to know all about them. Her list of “how to tell if someone is a vampire” is quite amusing, and completely understandable as a reader who wants to be transported by every story.
Several interesting characters come under the scrutiny of Joy and Roxy: while Joy’s belief and patience for the poseur vampire Dominic is waning, her own beliefs are being tested as she is having visions and feeling ‘invaded’ by a distinctly vampiric male. There is also a traveling Goth Faire in town: and here Joy meets the man of her dreams in the form of Raphael: tall, dark, handsome and protective: he is the head of the security detail for the tour.
So we have Roxy determined to find a vampire and meet the author, Joy curious about and enamored with Raphael, a ringmaster/magician with fake fangs and a slimy bent insisting on calling joy ‘mon ange’ as well as several different nationalities and skills from the workers of the faire, the story is loaded with plenty of side stories and moments of interest. When a particularly distasteful and nasty ‘witch’ from the fair is found dead, exsanguinated and with her throat torn apart the search for the killer is all encompassing.
Narration is provided by Karen White who manages to slip in and out of voices and accents with near seamless precision: adding in a tone and breathing that emphasizes moments of exasperation, insecurity, tension, anger and even sexual frustration and satisfaction. The French accents are spot on, with a solidly Slavic intonation in the voices of Christophe and the police captain, and the smooth yet often frustrated and flummoxed British accent affixed to Raphael managed to convey him with panache. Never overreaching for male or female voices, all of the characters were clearly delineated and crisply delivered and added to the character visualizations.
Yes, there is a romance, but it is done in a uniquely ‘MacAlister” way: euphemisms are heavily used to allude to actions and parts, to great effect, as the humor with which Joy (and the author) see the world and their place in it is quite apparent. There isn’t a great load of drama or tension or even a load of angsty heroes and heroines in this series: it’s fun: it pokes fun at the genre, the readers and the characters as it presents a new series with a wonderful story and plenty of characters to learn more about. MacAlister’s books are light and fun reads: perfect diversions after a long day or to while away a weekend.
I received this AudioBook copy as a blog tour win. I was not compensated for this review: all conclusions are my own responsibility.
2 people found this helpful
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- Linda
- 03-12-13
Witty, fun and entertaining
Would you consider the audio edition of A Girl's Guide to Vampires to be better than the print version?
I love to read - but it is a pleasure to listen to a story that has a good plot, romance, intrigue and makes you laugh out loud.
Who was your favorite character and why?
CJ Dante! Handsome 900 year old dark one with a conscious first and Roxy, the life long best friend who tells it like it is!
Which scene was your favorite?
When Joy and Rafael realize he didn't enter her mind or visit her early I the evening.
If you were to make a film of this book, what would be the tag line be?
Time weighs heavy for the Dark One....and then... beloved.
2 people found this helpful
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- Amy
- 08-25-13
Terrible!
Any additional comments?
Bad story, bad reading, really terrible. Kept thinking it would get better.... it didn't.
4 people found this helpful
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- Liam T Bear
- 02-27-21
Sadly doesn't quite hold up
I enjoy a lot of Katie McAlister's books and recently finished the Audio versions of her Aisling Grey series. I figured the Dark Ones would be fun next, as I like that series as well.
Unfortunately, the audio performance didn't just detract from the book, it made it very frustrating and unpleasant to listen to. I didn't mind the performer's voices, but I minded very much that anyone who was not American spoke... very... broken... sentences. Even people stated as having an English accent, or the fact that the area they're visiting has people from all over the world visiting. As most of the main characters including both of the love interests are not from the US, it means even during hot and heavy scenes you listen to a character who sounds like Sesame Street's Count and the Swedish Chef had a kid.
Even speeding up the narration didn't help. There is no real characterization of voices -- instead of a voice, they just get stuck with broken, plodding English. Nevermind the main characters are all fluent in English and in text have actual personalities. This was incredibly disappointing, because it's constant, so any of the feelings I had for sections of the book (ridiculous, funny, romantic, sad) are gone and replaced with pure annoyance. I'm sad to lose all of the characters to this.
I forgot how much casual racism was in this book (a lot of g*psy and similar pejoratives), which also led to it not standing up well to nostalgia.
I will re-read this book but not re-listen to it; the whole thing feels whitewashed to the point of no one having any personality at all, which is a shame.
I won't be listening to more in this series if they have the same performer -- most take place in Europe, and I can't listen to every single line of dialogue coming like pulling teeth, word by word, simply because the speaker isn't American. Oof.
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- Anonymous User
- 06-16-20
unreadable
Ridiculously idiotic characters with an incredibly stupid storyline. The "heroines" are brainless twits that don't deserve a story. I couldn't finish this book as I found it so frustrating.