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Publisher's Summary

A revised and updated edition of Emily Nagoski’s game-changing New York Times best seller Come As You Are, featuring new information and research on mindfulness, desire, and pleasure that will radically transform your sex life.

For much of the 20th and 21st centuries, women’s sexuality was an uncharted territory in science, studied far less frequently - and far less seriously - than its male counterpart. 

That is, until Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are, which used groundbreaking science and research to prove that the most important factor in creating and sustaining a sex life filled with confidence and joy is not what the parts are or how they’re organized but how you feel about them. In the years since the book’s initial publication, countless women have learned through Nagoski’s accessible and informative guide that things like stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual well-being; they are central to it - and that even if you don’t always feel like it, you are already sexually whole by just being yourself. This revised and updated edition continues that mission with new information and advanced research, demystifying and decoding the science of sex so that everyone can create a better sex life and discover more pleasure than you ever thought possible. 

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio.

©2015, 2021 Emily Nagoski, Ph.D. All rights reserved. (P)2021 Simon & Schuster, Inc. All rights reserved.

Featured Article: The Best Sex-Positive Books to Empower and Inspire You


Sex is a natural part of life, but it can sometimes feel like a taboo subject—which is a bit preposterous, considering how sex is linked to politics, gender, mental health, literature, and how we navigate the world. This list of the best sex-positive nonfiction books (with a few provocative fiction titles thrown in for good measure) is all about exploring the intricacies of sex with intelligence, humor, and insight. Discover these cross-genre voices.

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What listeners say about Come As You Are: Revised and Updated

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Usless!!!

This book is the equivalent of "Full story at 6:00" She is always telling you what she intends to tell you in chapter 5 or 6 etc. It is so repetitive, I thought something was wrong with my playback.

The new science as the title suggests just never really got there for me.

16 people found this helpful

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Excellent revisions

Dr. Nagoski's revisions were necessary, due to some partners' incomprehension of the difference between desire and pleasure. Thanks to Dr. Nagoski for recognizing this issue publicly and addressing it with this new edition. I am in academia myself and am aware of the fragility of some egos in this domain. Dr. Nabisco handled the communicative shortcomings in the previous book with utter professionalism and with an eye to collaborative and affirming communication, most especially toward men in heterosexual partnerships. Good communication is important in partnerships between people of any gender identity and sexual orientation!

14 people found this helpful

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Good content, rough execution

Enjoyed the substance of the book but not the style or the writing or the delivery, so much so that had to listen to it much faster. She does a lot of “we will talk more about this in chapter whatever,” to the point that it is distracting and quite annoying. Worth the read but I probably won’t pick up more of her stuff.

8 people found this helpful

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Nothing revolutionary. I returned it.

Listened to most of it hoping there would be something "transformational" as they say in the subtitle, but nope. Certainly nothing scientifically ground breaking in my opinion.

5 people found this helpful

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  • ZH
  • 09-22-21

This changes everything!

This book changed my entire view of sexuality (both male and female) over a weekend! Couldn’t put it down.

4 people found this helpful

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condescending scientifically inaccurate propaganda

"there is no evolutionary pressure for a hymen to form." followed by "in some cultures girls are killed for not having a hymen."

getting killed before you can reproduce is the very definition of evolutionary pressure.

The reason to celebrate diversity because the beauty is found in our differences. This book falsely claims differences don't exist.

4 people found this helpful

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Love it and a must read for all women (& men)

My doctor recommend this book. But I ended up reading “vagina” by Naomi wolf before then this. The two books changed my life. The science in this book is amazing. It’s very validating and educational. It is extremely empowering to anyone to experience this much information and learn about her body and her needs/ likes/ wants and not feel bad or shame or guilt about them. It is healing in many ways and truly allowed me to un-judge myself especially as I go through my healing and inner self work.

4 people found this helpful

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An absolute gem, thank you!!

I wish someone gave me this book 15 years ago!! With all the crazy out there, this book is really fantastic, a must read/listen for all women and men. First two chapters were quite "mmm" but then it gets better and better.

4 people found this helpful

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YES

Yes.
that is all
alas it wont let me just say yes
so yes
yes

2 people found this helpful

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A journey

An important, emotional book. I will be buying this book in print to read again and take notes. I’ve already recommended it to at least 5 people, both men and women.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Hannah G.
  • 03-02-21

Exclusive language! Supports gender binary

Considering this book is revised and updated as of March 2021, I'm really disappointed the author hasn't changed the binary language used. It would be so easy to include non binary and trans people by simply using non exclusive language and I'm perplexed as to why this wouldn't have been done in a revision. I believe the content of the book is fantastic. But as a society we really need to do better, so I'm giving a lower rating in hope it will be made note of and this book will be revised again to use language inclusive of non binary and trans people.

11 people found this helpful

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  • K. J. Kelly
  • 04-16-21

Transformative and educational

This makes some aspects of sex research seem so obvious. The best of them do. I listened along, thinking: "oh yeah!" and "why didn't I see it that way before?"

I've already recommended this to a couple of friends (one single, one in a loving relationship), both of whom I think will find it interesting as men to consider from a new perspective.

This is an updated version of a previously released book about desire, normality in sex and in how the brain and sex organs interact in our experiences of pleasure. Having only listened to the updated version, I cannot comment on the updates, but did find it inclusive of those outside of binary categories of gender, and also aware of its shortcomings in terms of research.

It's absolutely fascinating. And certainly made me ponder my own history, current position, future wants and attitudes. There are a lot of simple quotable lines that Nagoski refers to regularly, she reassures and explains the range of normality we all encompass. She manages to explain how a lot of problems many readers experience have arisen. And uses examples of 'women' in relationships (composites of a number she has worked with) to exemplify a few key 'types' that demonstrate various points she makes.

While I've never felt other than existing somewhere along the range of 'normal', this did tick a few boxes and hit a nerve several times when I recognised behaviours, situations and experiences that fit me. Listening to explanations did clear a few things up and make me look at myself and my own body and desires with clearer vision and certainly a lot more kindness, not to mention confidence to express myself.

One for women to read to get to know themselves. One for men to read to get to know the women around them and how they can both differ and communicate those differences, then work to find common ground.

This does not become overly scientific or technical, but does use terminology. Loved the Too Long: Didn't Read (TL: DR) at the end of each chapter, great summaries that did remind me of key points.

The book translates perfectly to audiobook format, and with the addition of the attached pdf (accessible through the Audible menu on the app), gives plenty of material for mulling over, for testing yourself and to return to for future consideration. The author makes an expressive and empathic narrator, and covers her material passionately. It was easy to keep up with her, and she communicates with verve.

This has already inspired me a little, in seeing myself, my mind and body in a slightly different way. And appreciating how it all got where it is.

With thanks to Nudge Books for providing a sample Audible copy.

5 people found this helpful

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  • No name
  • 03-27-21

All she talks about is context

Unless you have a vagina that you're insecure about, skip. 11 and a half hours of her saying sexual context is the solution for women's sexual issues, weird and sometimes false analogies and obvious statements like "not all women are the same". Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel is a much better and more educational book for both genders that doesn't blame everything on patriarchy

2 people found this helpful

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  • Rebecca
  • 07-09-21

Changed my mindset completely

EVERY woman should read this. Even if you don't have any issues when it comes to sex or oragsam it is so educational. It has completely changed how I perceive everything to do with sex and being a woman! Seriously listen to it NOW!!!

1 person found this helpful

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  • Emily Elgar
  • 07-03-21

A must read for all women . . . & men for that!

Honest, evidenced based and real.
I will be gifting this to all the women in my life!

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 05-07-21

What I wish I had known when I was younger

If only this book had been available when I was younger perhaps I wouldn't have struggled so much in relationships. But now I have read it I am so empowered and my love life is the best it has ever been. This book opened my mind and made me re-think so much of my past and how things had been and now I am using what I have learned to make things so much better. Thank you Emily

1 person found this helpful

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  • sopheearr
  • 05-05-21

One of the most liberating books I have ever read

Helped me so much. This should be taught EVERYWHERE!!! Such an amazing read. A must read. So much freedom and truth in every word

1 person found this helpful

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Madalina
  • 04-26-21

Life changing

Every single person should read this book.
This book should be taught and discussed in schools!

1 person found this helpful

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  • Ruth
  • 03-31-21

OMG

brilliantly read. amazingly insightful, helpful to know it isn't me. thank you for putting me straight on so much.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Kindle Customer
  • 03-21-21

Everyone should read this book

This book is life changing. Amazing, Educational, fascinating, eye opening and so much more.
I have learnt so much.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 03-09-21

Must read for everybody

Yes there were a lot of metaphors, and yes this was just a big therapy session. BUT! It was a very cheap and very effective therapy session and I always find metaphors very helpful when in session. This book is fantastic, the content is so important, and everyone should read it.

5 people found this helpful

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  • Becpratt01
  • 04-03-21

Every woman should read/listen to this book

this book helped me understand myself better and explained so many of my past experiences.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 09-16-21

A total game changer

I have just finished listening to “Come As You Are” (about women’s sexuality) and loved it so much that I also bought the hard copy book so I can go back and tag and highlight half of it lol!

This book explores anatomy, physiology, behavioural and comparative psychology, evolutionary psychology, health psychology, moral psychology, gender studies, media studies and more. Nagoski breaks down the science through stories, metaphors (my fave was “the little monitor”), and case studies painting a whole detailed and complex (but easy to grasp) picture of sex and sexuality in the context of us being WHOLE people. It is so much more than a book about transforming your sex life (as the titles tag line suggests) but a book, and knowledge that will transform your relationship with yourself, your body and with your partner/s. I cannot rave about or recommend this enough.

Sidenote, #fuckthepatriarchy

2 people found this helpful

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  • Clare foster
  • 11-11-21

Profoundly Life Changing

I'm not one to use the words "life-changing" lightly, but this book truly changed my life. This should be part of every high-school curriculum, should be gifted to all your friends & shared with strangers. Emily dives deep into how we came to view sexuality, sex and ourselves the way we do. Her depth of research and clear delivery of the facts allows one to absorb the content but not be forced into feeling a particular way. I will be sharing this with all my loved ones and have already ordered a hard copy to accompany the audiobook.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 11-10-21

Amazing!

This book was amazing! It has changed the way I see women's sexuality (and mine) in the absolutely best way possible. Emily, thank you, thank you, thank you.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 11-09-21

Informative and helpful

This book is very validating, educational and scientific but written in an entertaining and relatable way. The examples throughout the book based off of people’s experiences highlight the points she’s explaining well. Would recommend to women and non-binary people in particular, though would definitely help men who date women as well.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 11-05-21

brilliant book

I learnt a huge amount I'll be recommending it to everyone I know and the author reading it was excellent

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  • Denise Cantrell Winkler
  • 10-31-21

Wish this book had been around 40 years ago!

Everyone can benefit from the information in this book to make understand their own sexuality, their partners, or their friends. Educative, insightful, and reassuring!

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  • Anonymous User
  • 10-28-21

I am perfect just the way I am

This helped me understand myself and my partner for the rest of our lives

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  • Francine Marques
  • 10-24-21

Every women (and perhaps men) should listen to/read this book

This is better than therapy! Fantastic book helping women feel normal - just as they are!

Thank you Emily!

My only suggestion is to remove the music, and I wish Emily narrated all herself, the male voices were quiet annoying lol