• Don’t Feed the Trolls

  • The Antiheroes, Book 2
  • By: Jacob Peppers
  • Narrated by: Roger Clark
  • Length: 14 hrs and 57 mins
  • 4.9 out of 5 stars (38 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

Hero checklist for a long and happy life:

  • Step one: Don’t be a hero.
  • Step two: If by some horrible miscalculation, a man finds himself a hero, then he should not, under any circumstances, accept a “quest”. Particularly one including magical rings, swords in stones, or any talk of “chosen ones”. Quests, after all, are only death with a lot of walking beforehand.
  • Step three: If said hero is so foolish as to actually find himself on a quest, he is advised to run heroically for the nearest exit. He’ll die anyway, but if the gods are kind, he’ll do so with an ale in his hand. P.S. The gods are never kind.
  • Step four: If the unfortunate soul is unable to find an exit - or at least one not containing a rampaging troll - he should, by any means necessary, ensure that there are as many people between him and the troll as possible in the hopes that it won’t be hungry by the time it reaches him. P.S. Trolls are always hungry.
  • Step five: If all else fails and a hero finds himself confronting a mythical monster or a magic-wielding necromancer, he is to draw his sword. It won’t help, but it will give him something to do while he waits to die.
  • Step six: If “death” outcome is unacceptable, see steps one through four. 

Dannen Ateran had never gone so far as to write the list out, but he knew it by heart. He ought to, as he had been telling it to himself for years, and he - fool that he was - had been ignoring it for just as long.

So it was that he found himself standing beside Fedder, Mariana, and Tesler, watching as an undead dragon soared toward them.

And if, by some feat of magic or luck - with undead dragons, skill rarely factored into it - they survived, there was only the little issue of a master swordsman and his necromancer brother to worry about, not to mention an undead horde.

Plenty of ways to die, then, if a man liked a little variety with his suffering.

And the week was just getting started.

©2021 Jacob Nathaniel Peppers (P)2022 Tantor

What listeners say about Don’t Feed the Trolls

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  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
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Droll, funny & fixating

This is only one of many Jacob Peppers books. And I have thoroughly enjoyed every one. This one is no exception. I will read the next in the series. I hope you get to read it too.

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Funny, realistic take on heroism

Loved it. Danny seems naive but like most people, his brain just needs time to put it together. He is an older depressed, retired hero. Trouble finds him wherever he goes. Lots of laughs and action.

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