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Publisher's Summary

It’s time to take our lives back from a world of narcissism, entitlement, and toxic relationships.

“Don’t you know who I am?” has become the mantra of the famous and infamous, the entitled and the insecure. It’s the tagline of the modern narcissist. 

Health and wellness campaigns preach avoidance of unhealthy foods, sedentary lifestyles, tobacco, drugs, and alcohol, but rarely preach avoidance of unhealthy, difficult, or toxic people. Yet the health benefits of removing toxic people from your life may have far greater benefits to both physical and psychological health. We need to learn to be better gatekeepers for our minds, bodies, and souls. 

Narcissism, entitlement, and incivility have become the new world order, and we are all in trouble. They are not only normalized but also increasingly incentivized. They are manifestations of pathological insecurity - insecurities that are experienced at both the individual and societal level. The paradox is that we value these patterns. We venerate them through social media, mainstream media, and consumerism, and they are endemic in political, corporate, academic, and media leaders. 

There are few lives untouched by narcissists. These relationships infect those who are in them with self-doubt, despair, confusion, anxiety, depression, and the chronic feeling of being “not enough,” all of which make it so difficult to step away and set boundaries. The illusion of hope and the fantasy of redemption can result in years of second chances, and despondency when change never comes. 

It’s time for a wake-up call. It’s time to stem the tide of narcissism, entitlement, and antagonism, and take our lives back.

©2019 Ramani S. Durvasula, PhD (P)2019 Post Hill Press

What listeners say about "Don't You Know Who I Am?": How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility

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Excellent reality check

I really love this book. I have been listening to her utube videos for a while.

24 people found this helpful

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Highly recommend

The scope of this book was more than I could have imagined. So many aspects I had not considered. Very well written and easy to follow.

11 people found this helpful

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Intelligent, insightful, and compassionate

I do not think that I would have ever said that, but Dr. Ramani is my favorite psychologist.

This book makes you reflect on your relationships, who you are, your needs and your goals, all the while distilling wisdom into your soul, and reassurance at every word.

From someone who has been living my whole life with the types of people that she speaks of in this book, she has reaffirmed a lot of the thoughts that I had about them, reconnecting myself with those lessons, while giving me new things to ponder about and new ways to get through life.

She has opened my eyes to what I had felt, but covered my eyes about.

Thank you for letting me listen to you and feel that living life is self improvement, deep connections, meaningful relationship, kindness, love, care and insight.

10 people found this helpful

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This will jar your life back to reality.

Dr. Ramani had me pausing this and yelling out loud to how much she hit the nail on the head. She has mastered the gears that are in a narcissist. Incredible book. Like seeing the picture pop out in those 3D posters that just look like background noise.

9 people found this helpful

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Knowledge for life, everyone should read this once

An all encompassing, guide on the complexity of poorly behaved people. This is a crucial read for anyone who's been through a difficult relationship of some kind. This book contains key information that help one to get a clearer picture of the landscape we call life. With that in mind, you still have to make the journey but it's much easier when you have clarity of sight, or in this case, thought.

6 people found this helpful

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Don’t you know who I am?

Wow, so much information! This book was spot on about Narcissism! I also learned more about them and what to do and what not to do. I couldn’t stop listening to the book at first but then I had to take a break from it because I had to let it sink in. It is so exhausting living with a narcissistic personality and it doesn’t end even after the divorce. The information is so true about everything that I felt I was reading about someone I knew. I would tell my family member it was the best thing he ever did was divorce her but now it’s knowing how to protect the children. Everyone should listen to this book!

6 people found this helpful

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What a revelation!

I’m beginning this book all over again to listen a second time. As I listened, memories of my life came back to me, and I realized that the behavior of my family of origin was that of narcissists. This has shaped my life and affected that of my dear children. Things I had always wondered about were explained. Why on earth, as a woman of intelligence, had I ended up with the men I had? Dr Durvasala explained why. Why did my family dress me up as a little girl, send me to a private school yet treat me with such coldness and hate? Dr Durvasala explained why. Thank you so much Dr. Durvasala, and bless you

4 people found this helpful

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Wow

This is a comprehensive pep talk for those of us who need to move past a life time identity of “not enoughness” . It covers every damn thing you need to hear and understand to move on.

4 people found this helpful

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Slowly read but clear

I’m not sure if Dr. Durvasula is speaking very slowly or if it was purposely slowed down by the editors as she reads. I did speed it up half way through the book to 1.25 times the normal reading speed, and she sounds normal. However, I realized, I was able to listen better at the slower but normal speed. The book speaks for itself, it is a must read, for all personality types. Please see Esther 1:16-18; Deuteronomy 5:21; Exodus 20:17 to truly understand one reason why we are seeing the inceL situation, although their method used to display their anger is maladaptive, they have a legitimate reason for their anger. Feminism is one reason for a higher divorce rate. Divorce creates single family homes, children in single family homes, may fall higher on the narcissistic spectrum. Women today have a Queen Vashti spirit, rather than the spirit of Sarah, Abraham's wife. (see 1Peter 3:1-7)

4 people found this helpful

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Trump supporters are THE MOST targeted by Narcs

The authors consistent dismissmissal, and simplifying of "racists," or "sexists," or "trolls" ignores the power structure. Leftist ideology negates the reality of differences between groups, which is to lie, and actively incentivizes narcissist type hostile behavior toward people who observe simple reality. Ignoring and attacking reality and people who notice it are more pathological than those who risk these labels.
The issue with Nationalism isn't at root a pathology, but a observance of real differences. The author fails monumentally, and absurdly to give its due importance the phenomenon of ingroup/outgroup preference. People have 1 policy for dealing with their own, and another for the other. This is healthy and natural. We hear a lot about "pathological altruism," which is only possible operating from the assumption that all groups of people are interchangeable.
The author is most guilty of doing what she warns against, which is labeling anyone we disagree with as a narcissist.
Too much biased. The purely clinical explanations are informative nontheless .

Trump may be a narcissist, but he was fighting a narcissistic system with narcissism; fire with fire. He was "our" narcissist (emphasis on 'was').

The author is so tone def on diagnosing the matters of the day, to be so blinded as to why anyone would want to maintain their majority status in their country; our post angry comments about ant-white agenda that this book is almost worthless.

She misses the point. Her left leaning blinds her to the real systemic narcissism, which are petty tyrants on the left.

4 people found this helpful

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  • MsKitKat
  • 09-06-21

You won't regret buying this book

Loved this book. Wish I had found it 5 years ago. Dr Ramani did an excellent job at explaining in details about what sign/red flags to expect. I am certain more wiser now armed with the knowledge from this book. I am on the road to healing from narcissistic abuse /gaslighting. Perhaps one day we can all find happiness with the right person who won't take advantage of us.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Ben
  • 06-28-21

Wow. Just wow.

The most insightful book I have ever listened to, period. As someone who suffered from narcissistic parental abuse for 30 years, Dr. Ramani’s book helped me put the hundreds of pieces of the puzzle together, pieces that had been completely scattered all over the floor, house & neighborhood (and some I didn’t even know were pieces!). This book is a MUST listen for anyone even remotely affected by a narcissist in their life.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Mary
  • 06-06-21

Fantastic book!

If this book and valuable insight and advice was around years ago I would have saved myself a lot of headache. A fantastic book highly recommend!

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 02-10-21

A must read for all empaths!

Definitive bible on how to detect and avoid narcissistic abuse. This book will save people’s lives. Thank the universe for dr Ramani.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Leis
  • 06-19-22

Informative

Dr Ramani is one of the most accessible mental health practitioners who deal with personality disorders. This book provides and easy to understand description of how people can be impacted by those with a cluster B personality disorder and provides clear guidelines on how to minimise their damage

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  • Mary
  • 10-23-20

Interesting and Thought provoking

This book is quite interesting and thought provoking. I must say I dont believe that narcistic people cant change as I am an example of someone who has. I dont believe that completely cutting the narcisstic person out of your life is alway the best answer.

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  • Robert Nicholson
  • 09-14-20

Slow to start but worth the effort

The first chunk of the book was really drawn out, almost like a diagnostic manual. Once you hit Toxic Universe things really improve and the book becomes much more easier to listen to. This book contains many gems and hard truths on how to deal (and not deal) with narcissists. Beautifully read.