1 title per month from Audible’s entire catalog of best sellers, and new releases.
Access a growing selection of included Audible Originals, audiobooks and podcasts.
You will get an email reminder before your trial ends.
Your Premium Plus plan is $14.95 a month after 30 day trial. Cancel anytime.
Buy for $28.35

Buy for $28.35

Pay using card ending in
By confirming your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use and Amazon's Privacy Notice. Taxes where applicable.

Publisher's Summary

Brought to you by Penguin.

Children take their lead from their friends: being 'cool' matters more than anything else. Shaping values, identity and codes of behaviour, peer groups are often far more influential than parents.

But this situation is far from natural, and it can be dangerous - it undermines family cohesion, interferes with healthy development and fosters a hostile and sexualised youth culture. Children end up becoming conformist, anxious and alienated.

In Hold on to Your Kids, acclaimed physician and best-selling author Gabor Maté joins forces with Gordon Neufeld, a psychologist with a reputation for penetrating to the heart of complex parenting. Together they pinpoint the causes of this breakdown and offer practical advice on how to 'reattach' to sons and daughters, establish the hierarchy at home, make children feel safe and understood, and earn back your children's loyalty and love. This updated edition also addresses the unprecedented parenting challenges posed by the rise of digital devices and social media.

By helping to reawaken our instincts, Maté and Neufeld empower parents to be what nature intended: a true source of contact, security and warmth for their children. 

©2020 Dr Gabor Maté (P)2020 Penguin Audio

What listeners say about Hold On to Your Kids

Average Customer Ratings
Overall
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    22
  • 4 Stars
    5
  • 3 Stars
    1
  • 2 Stars
    0
  • 1 Stars
    1
Performance
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    15
  • 4 Stars
    5
  • 3 Stars
    2
  • 2 Stars
    0
  • 1 Stars
    0
Story
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    16
  • 4 Stars
    4
  • 3 Stars
    1
  • 2 Stars
    0
  • 1 Stars
    1

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars

Lock up your kids and blame their stupid friends

As an ACoA with ACE score of 8, I thought this would be a good book for guiding me to reparent myself, especially since I have liked Gabor's work. It was maybe a small miracle that blood vessel didn't pop in my head while listening to first half of this.

Constant blaming, contradictions, blind spots, plain untruths, and a concerning lack of empathy. Latter half seems to have good information and solid advice, but even that is constantly cut by putting the blame to children's peers.

Why on earth are you blaming the crooked flower for wanting to be with other crooked flowers, when you decided to go with it, and weren't able to provide necessary growing environment? Blame should never ever go this way.

I will go over the book again at some point, because it had good stuff in it too. Just a shame it has been made so difficult to reach. Maybe I indeed will mature enough with my own frustration, accept my own futility in trying to relate my viewpoint, and just accept that boomers will be boomers, who don't seem to realize they too, grew crooked.

2 people found this helpful

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for marie wales
  • marie wales
  • 03-24-21

Every parent or guardian should read!

This book was so insightful and addresses not just how & why its important to hold onto ur kids but coveres some lager social economial issues that have created the problem. At times i disagreed, however as the book unraveled its view points, the logic and evidence backed up the opionions with a clarity on parenting I've never felt before. I decided to apply some advice and after only a couple of days the difference in my 9 & 6 years old's was apparenrt. Thankfully my children are young enough to easily re-engage with little effort. I've recommended this book to all my friends with children and all adults in my children's life (including their teachers).

11 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    3 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for becs
  • becs
  • 05-17-21

interesting and valid, though not the font of all.

Good narrator, I found the writing a bit.....smug? I don't know, some very astute and important points mixed with out of date thinking and impossible or untrue statements. I will be applying much of.this to my parenting, with a pinch of salt.

8 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for SM
  • SM
  • 12-25-21

unimpressive after reading but great results

I wizzed through the book as it seemed repetitive and wordy. I was underwhelmed.
A few weeks after reading the book I started having light bulb moments with the issues I was having with my child, I started to question myself, everything I had read in the book, all the repition clicked. some simple basic points that if applied well can have such a great impact with your child. Read, observe and apply, hope it works for you too.

7 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Tancredi Valeri
  • Tancredi Valeri
  • 05-13-21

Eye-opening and life-changing

This is by far the best book on the parent-child relationship that I have ever read. I have only just begun to apply Gordon Neufeld’s ideas but have already been astonished by the reduction in anxiety in both my children and myself. Our relationship has become closer, less stressed, and conflicts are less frequent. I am deeply grateful to have found this book.

6 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Anonymous User
  • Anonymous User
  • 09-08-21

Absolute must read for parents of all ages!

Before you decide on how much to put your child in nursery, or set up tons of activities and playdates, please sit down with,rest
and enjoy your little one and show curiosity, kindness, love and respect for them exactly as they are.

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for smash
  • smash
  • 08-24-21

Excellent.

This explains so much about our increasingly broken society. It's a must listen, whether you have kids or not.

4 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Anonymous User
  • Anonymous User
  • 12-29-21

just what I was looking for

This book is just what I was looking for as it makes good sense. Even though it is American and was written pre-pandemic, it is very relevant in 2021. Helpful and informative, goes at a good pace too.

3 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Anonymous User
  • Anonymous User
  • 02-21-22

Without a shadow of doubt, the best book I have heard in decades.

I wish this was a book that all parents had to read when they knew they were expecting. A pre-requisite for becoming a parent. It’s not about methods or recipes for parenting but a psychological explanation to what we should and probably already have innate in us from the start. I found it frightening, fully engaging, sobering and challenged me to become the best parent I can be - by focusing on connecting with my children. It’s so simple and intuitive when it comes down to it. But this book also explains so much of what can often refer to as ‘the world is a different place now’, ‘kids these days’, ‘things are so different now’, ‘they grow up so fast’, ‘the new normal’. I look outwardly beyond my own responsibilities as a parent and I understand so many more ‘why’s’. The state of play is clearly explained. We as parents can stop the rollercoaster that is ‘our kids growing up too fast’. We have the power to hold on to them because the tools are in us already. It’s such a book of hope. Don’t hesitate to read it - over and over. There is so much good to take away from it.

2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Arran B.
  • Arran B.
  • 02-19-22

Excellent book, really fascinating.

It took me a while to get into this book but I'm glad I persisted. Whilst it is quite long it is well written and narrated as well as engaging and relevant.
As most of my children are probably a little too old for this to be applicable to it is reassuring that I, as a 'Victorian parent' , I was correct to try and spend as much time with my children as possible and to limit their online time when they were young.
If you are concerned about losing your children to either their peers or modern technology this book is a must read.
Thank you.

2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Wise Turtle
  • Wise Turtle
  • 03-24-21

Everyone needs to hear this

Whether or not you have children, the insights here will be profound, especially the postscript.

2 people found this helpful

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Anonymous User
  • Anonymous User
  • 03-11-21

If only I’d read this earlier

This book is spot on. I reflected my own life and realise how much connection was missing. I don’t want this to happen to my kids. Thank you Gabor thank you Gordon.

7 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Amazon Customer
  • Amazon Customer
  • 08-29-21

a must read for every parent and person

a must read for every parent and person! esp those who have experienced some levels of trauma or have had disrupted upbringings

2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Anonymous User
  • Anonymous User
  • 08-14-21

Mandatory for anyone with a child - teen or not

This is an essential book for anyone with children. It gave me a vocabulary an articulated understanding of what happens , has happened and how I as a parent can reconnect with my child.
If you care about your child - listen to this.
Any Gabor Maté is worth while enhancing your life with, this is 100% necessary as a parent or person who cares for a growing child / adolescent/ teen.

2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Bin Lu
  • Bin Lu
  • 05-06-21

Insightful and alarming

This book has explained so many questions that my husband and I are facing while raising my son. I wished I had read (listen) it earlier because my son has already drifted towards peer orientation path, however as the author said it’s never too late to collect our child and reestablish our parenting connection and power. This book is extremely essential for any parents in this digital and peer orientation age.

2 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Anonymous User
  • Anonymous User
  • 07-27-21

Amazing!

Great, book with powerful insights. Thank you both for your amazing work. it has chaged the way I vewi attachment.

1 person found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Arron M Selby
  • Arron M Selby
  • 05-21-22

Outstanding and necessary listening/reading for all parents

I’m a therapist and recommend this to any clients dealing with parenting issues and many more dealing with understanding their family’s of origin. A masterwork.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    4 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for CELESTE
  • CELESTE
  • 04-29-22

Very insightful!

This has opened my perspective, in what I went through as a child as well as how to be more understanding as a care giver.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Rachel
  • Rachel
  • 01-25-22

A must read for parents

I’d like to encourage future and current parents to read/listen to this book. It hasn’t given me so much insight into my own parenting journey and tips to correct the direction my child is travelling.

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    5 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    5 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Nathanael Wallis
  • Nathanael Wallis
  • 12-20-21

If you got kids then read this.

excellent. as a father of 4 and uncle to more than 20 this is a book that I think everyone who is a parent or grandparents should read.

why do some kids turn out like you would like and other kids are off the rails. this to me is the best explanation of this yet.

as one of 8 kids this was very interesting to me and my experiences.

it's 20 hours. it's worth it.

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars
  • Performance
    4 out of 5 stars
  • Story
    1 out of 5 stars
Profile Image for Amazon Customer
  • Amazon Customer
  • 08-18-21

Pure opinion:

Author talks about attachment. Yes that is important for creating meaningful interaction w children w rituals and regular mentors: it is a foundation in parenting. but this does not fully explain the changes teens go through and why it Si so hard for parents to adjust, he has no scientific information on the changing brain. It’s like he saying you just need to love them more. Becoming an adult is full of ambivalence. Not the black and white message he is selling

Very pessimistic perspective on the world and likely influenced by his personal family history and the Second World War, which is Over generalised implied as a cross cultural problem.

He is talking out of his field of expertise.