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Publisher's Summary

Brought to you by Penguin.

Children take their lead from their friends: being 'cool' matters more than anything else. Shaping values, identity and codes of behaviour, peer groups are often far more influential than parents.

But this situation is far from natural, and it can be dangerous - it undermines family cohesion, interferes with healthy development and fosters a hostile and sexualised youth culture. Children end up becoming conformist, anxious and alienated.

In Hold on to Your Kids, acclaimed physician and best-selling author Gabor Maté joins forces with Gordon Neufeld, a psychologist with a reputation for penetrating to the heart of complex parenting. Together they pinpoint the causes of this breakdown and offer practical advice on how to 'reattach' to sons and daughters, establish the hierarchy at home, make children feel safe and understood, and earn back your children's loyalty and love. This updated edition also addresses the unprecedented parenting challenges posed by the rise of digital devices and social media.

By helping to reawaken our instincts, Maté and Neufeld empower parents to be what nature intended: a true source of contact, security and warmth for their children. 

©2020 Dr Gabor Maté (P)2020 Penguin Audio

What listeners say about Hold On to Your Kids

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Lock up your kids and blame their stupid friends

As an ACoA with ACE score of 8, I thought this would be a good book for guiding me to reparent myself, especially since I have liked Gabor's work. It was maybe a small miracle that blood vessel didn't pop in my head while listening to first half of this.

Constant blaming, contradictions, blind spots, plain untruths, and a concerning lack of empathy. Latter half seems to have good information and solid advice, but even that is constantly cut by putting the blame to children's peers.

Why on earth are you blaming the crooked flower for wanting to be with other crooked flowers, when you decided to go with it, and weren't able to provide necessary growing environment? Blame should never ever go this way.

I will go over the book again at some point, because it had good stuff in it too. Just a shame it has been made so difficult to reach. Maybe I indeed will mature enough with my own frustration, accept my own futility in trying to relate my viewpoint, and just accept that boomers will be boomers, who don't seem to realize they too, grew crooked.

2 people found this helpful

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  • becs
  • 05-17-21

interesting and valid, though not the font of all.

Good narrator, I found the writing a bit.....smug? I don't know, some very astute and important points mixed with out of date thinking and impossible or untrue statements. I will be applying much of.this to my parenting, with a pinch of salt.

8 people found this helpful

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  • marie wales
  • 03-24-21

Every parent or guardian should read!

This book was so insightful and addresses not just how & why its important to hold onto ur kids but coveres some lager social economial issues that have created the problem. At times i disagreed, however as the book unraveled its view points, the logic and evidence backed up the opionions with a clarity on parenting I've never felt before. I decided to apply some advice and after only a couple of days the difference in my 9 & 6 years old's was apparenrt. Thankfully my children are young enough to easily re-engage with little effort. I've recommended this book to all my friends with children and all adults in my children's life (including their teachers).

7 people found this helpful

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  • SM
  • 12-25-21

unimpressive after reading but great results

I wizzed through the book as it seemed repetitive and wordy. I was underwhelmed.
A few weeks after reading the book I started having light bulb moments with the issues I was having with my child, I started to question myself, everything I had read in the book, all the repition clicked. some simple basic points that if applied well can have such a great impact with your child. Read, observe and apply, hope it works for you too.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 09-08-21

Absolute must read for parents of all ages!

Before you decide on how much to put your child in nursery, or set up tons of activities and playdates, please sit down with,rest
and enjoy your little one and show curiosity, kindness, love and respect for them exactly as they are.

4 people found this helpful

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  • smash
  • 08-24-21

Excellent.

This explains so much about our increasingly broken society. It's a must listen, whether you have kids or not.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Tancredi Valeri
  • 05-13-21

Eye-opening and life-changing

This is by far the best book on the parent-child relationship that I have ever read. I have only just begun to apply Gordon Neufeld’s ideas but have already been astonished by the reduction in anxiety in both my children and myself. Our relationship has become closer, less stressed, and conflicts are less frequent. I am deeply grateful to have found this book.

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  • Wise Turtle
  • 03-24-21

Everyone needs to hear this

Whether or not you have children, the insights here will be profound, especially the postscript.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Philipp Brodersen
  • 08-29-21

An important book

I have listened to this book several times already. It has helped me improve my connection with my own kids and has made me aware of the problems with peer orientation.

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  • yordanka
  • 08-15-21

Must listen book.

This book is one of the must for every parent. Wish every parent know what is going on with our children

1 person found this helpful

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  • Emma
  • 05-08-21

All parents need to hear this!

This book put into words the knowing that I have as a parent. It has made me more confident to keep my child close.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 03-11-21

If only I’d read this earlier

This book is spot on. I reflected my own life and realise how much connection was missing. I don’t want this to happen to my kids. Thank you Gabor thank you Gordon.

7 people found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 08-29-21

a must read for every parent and person

a must read for every parent and person! esp those who have experienced some levels of trauma or have had disrupted upbringings

2 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 08-14-21

Mandatory for anyone with a child - teen or not

This is an essential book for anyone with children. It gave me a vocabulary an articulated understanding of what happens , has happened and how I as a parent can reconnect with my child.
If you care about your child - listen to this.
Any Gabor Maté is worth while enhancing your life with, this is 100% necessary as a parent or person who cares for a growing child / adolescent/ teen.

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  • Bin Lu
  • 05-06-21

Insightful and alarming

This book has explained so many questions that my husband and I are facing while raising my son. I wished I had read (listen) it earlier because my son has already drifted towards peer orientation path, however as the author said it’s never too late to collect our child and reestablish our parenting connection and power. This book is extremely essential for any parents in this digital and peer orientation age.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 07-27-21

Amazing!

Great, book with powerful insights. Thank you both for your amazing work. it has chaged the way I vewi attachment.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Rachel
  • 01-25-22

A must read for parents

I’d like to encourage future and current parents to read/listen to this book. It hasn’t given me so much insight into my own parenting journey and tips to correct the direction my child is travelling.

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  • Nathanael Wallis
  • 12-20-21

If you got kids then read this.

excellent. as a father of 4 and uncle to more than 20 this is a book that I think everyone who is a parent or grandparents should read.

why do some kids turn out like you would like and other kids are off the rails. this to me is the best explanation of this yet.

as one of 8 kids this was very interesting to me and my experiences.

it's 20 hours. it's worth it.

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 08-18-21

Pure opinion:

Author talks about attachment. Yes that is important for creating meaningful interaction w children w rituals and regular mentors: it is a foundation in parenting. but this does not fully explain the changes teens go through and why it Si so hard for parents to adjust, he has no scientific information on the changing brain. It’s like he saying you just need to love them more. Becoming an adult is full of ambivalence. Not the black and white message he is selling

Very pessimistic perspective on the world and likely influenced by his personal family history and the Second World War, which is Over generalised implied as a cross cultural problem.

He is talking out of his field of expertise.