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Publisher's Summary

Losing a young daughter to murder is the worst nightmare that a mother could possibly imagine, but what if the killer was her son? Charity Lee was thrust into this unimaginable situation when her 13-year-old son, Paris, murdered her beloved four-year-old daughter, Ella. 

Charity goes through intense grief at the loss of her daughter, while at the same time trying to understand why her son would have done something as horrific as this, and how she could have missed the signs that Paris was a true psychopath.

While barely holding herself together throughout her intense grief, Charity is still a mother and feels a need to advocate for her son to receive appropriate treatment while incarcerated, while at the same time trying to ensure he stays in prison so he can never hurt someone again. Charity still loves her son and craves a connection with him despite all he has done. Because of her experiences, she rebuilds her life and starts a non-profit to help other families of victims, as well as offenders.

This book is a meditation on grief, loss, and forgiveness unlike any other. It's also an inspirational story of a true survivor. Well-written and haunting How Now, Butterfly? is a book that no listener will soon forget.

©2020 Charity Lee (P)2020 WildBlue Press

What listeners say about How Now, Butterfly?

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The narrator was great, the book I was not.

This is one of the worst books I’ve ever tried to listen to on Audible. Its ten hours long and I returned it after hearing 2 of them.
Charity Lee is a narcissistic asshole who can’t see herself in any light other than victim. Even if her son hadn’t killed her daughter I’d call her a bad mother.

*trigger warning: sexual assault mention*






The exaggeration in this book is egregious and I don’t even believe these are real journal entries. Id put money on the fact that she wrote the book as a hindsight diary. She won’t admit there were any signs leading up to what her son ended up doing (murdering his 4 year old sister, possibly sexually assaulting her- there was semen present). How is that possible? Or did she miss them because she was on another bender? GTFOH.
I had the return this to Jeff Bezos after she said he pulled a knife on two babies (tells this story after saying there were no signs 15 different times over several chapters) and had to go to a childrens mental institution. She REMOVES HIM FROM THE TREATMENT CENTER AND STATES IN THE BOOK NOONE WARNED HER HE COULD BE DANGEROUS AND NO ONE TRIED TO STOP HER!!!!!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME??????!!!!!!!! She is a LIIIAAAARRRRRR and as big a psycho as her son. If that were even remotely true the lawyer she got for her son DAYS AFTER MURDERING HER DAUGHTER would’ve had their ass.
She’s a liar. She’s inconsistent. The book is full of lies. I returned it and highly recommend no one a waste their money or credit. Watch the documentary “The Life I Had” for free on Internet Movie DataBase if you’re super curious about this case like I was. Watch *anything* that doesn’t require her version of events to tell the story.
By the way, from that doc you’ll also learn she’s had a third child AND LETS HER MURDERER SON TALK TO HER NEW TODDLER ON THE PHONE FROM PRISON.
Byeeeee thanks for reading

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no mother should have to go through this

very well written book, the pain she has to go through is unspeakable I would say this is a must read/hear

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A mother's strength and love prevail

I loved it! Thank you Charity Lee for this memoir and creating the ELLA foundation.

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Amazing!


I couldn't stop listening to this book from beginning to end. Absolutely inspiring! My heart aches for Charity!

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Charity Lee is the Real Deal

I hadn’t heard about this case before, but I saw Charity being interviewed on YouTube and I decided to give this book a chance. It’s a hard book to listen to in that it speaks in gut wrenching, heartbreakingly raw details about the cold, cruel murder of a four year old child. Charity is, unfortunately the mother of the victim as well as the mother of the killer, which makes things even more horrific for her. Based on her journals this book gives a realistic look at one woman’s struggles to take something unimaginably horrible and make it somehow meaningful. I’m glad I read it.

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  • SMD
  • 09-06-20

Flawed

Repetitive, lacking insight, superficial. Understandable that author would want to keep certain information private but missed opportunity to offer insight into complex issues and awful tragedy.
Narration dreadful.

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  • WU Z.
  • 12-11-21

it's her dairy after the event

I don't want to be mean. I understand she has been though unthinkable pain.
but, I thought she could share a bit more of Paris's childhood, the years he existing as only child...and more of him a big brother of Ella.
But all the hours of listening is repeatedly moaning and depression
she hates her mother..maybe just like Paris hates her. But as a reader, there's no Reveal of "why".
there's very quick and strong withdraw of love from her toward Paris. although she claims "I love my son, no matter what"...

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  • Anastacia
  • 11-17-21

heart aching ,bitter sweet and terrifying

this is a story about pain and suffering and the unconditional love of a mother. the story is utterly heart breaking and every mothers nightmare. charity is so poetic in her words and her love for her children shines through with every heart breaking, bitter sweet word. she really is the most amazingly strong woman.

I found this book enthralling, I could not put it down, I felt every bit of pain and turmoil like I was actually experiencing it myself.

this is a truly unbelievable story but yet it is not fiction this actually happened.

the narrative is wonderful and I was often brought to tears listening.

I highly recommend this book

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