• I Hate You - Don't Leave Me: Third Edition

  • Understanding the Borderline Personality
  • By: Jerold J. Kreisman, Hal Straus
  • Narrated by: Kevin R. Free
  • Length: 10 hrs and 32 mins
  • 4.7 out of 5 stars (159 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

The revised and expanded third edition of the best-selling guide to understanding borderline personality disorder - with advice for communicating with and helping the borderline individuals in your life. 

After more than three decades as the essential guide to borderline personality disorder (BPD), the third edition of I Hate You - Don’t Leave Me now reflects the most up-to-date research that has opened doors to the neurobiological, genetic, and developmental roots of the disorder, as well as connections between BPD and substance abuse, sexual abuse, post-traumatic stress syndrome, ADHD, and eating disorders.

Both pharmacological and psychotherapeutic advancements point to real hope for success in the treatment and understanding of BPD.

This expanded and revised edition is an invaluable resource for those diagnosed with BPD and their family, friends, and colleagues, as well as professionals and students in the field, and the practical tools and advice are easy to understand and use in your day-to-day interactions with the borderline individuals in your life.

* This audiobook includes a downloadable PDF with a resource guide from the book.

PLEASE NOTE: When you purchase this title, the accompanying PDF will be available in your Audible Library along with the audio. 

©2021 Jerold J. Kreisman (P)2021 Penguin Audio

What listeners say about I Hate You - Don't Leave Me: Third Edition

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Antiquated

I know this book has had updates since it was originally published but I still find it antiquated. I can’t believe this is the leading book recommended by psychiatrists for BPD today. I also find it demeaning toward women. One chapter in the books suggests BPD is more prevalent in women because social constructs have changed over the last 80 years, women going from homemakers to being in the workforce. I stopped after chapter four and will be looking for more updated reference material on BPD.

10 people found this helpful

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one of the better educational sources with utility

besides sam vaknins YouTube channel (you have to search, it's not listed due to being potentially objectionable, but so is this book.) this is a satisfyingly comprehensive portrayal of bpd as it is Currently understood. much like those afflicted with the disorder, that understanding has been rather hard to define lately. without becoming buried in what bpd may have been or will be this book tries to convey the important parts you are, likely desperately, wanting to know about and still includes actual useful actions and methods of communication that are immediately useful. you will need to read other books or search for other sources to help fill in areas, but you can start here without missing anything until you want to start understanding bpd in relation to the rest of its cluster b associated disorders. by that I mean this book only mentions histrionics in passing but the need to satisfy emotional needs can sometimes only be met through dramatic actions when you can't remember who just left the room (not joking). GOOD LUCK, and i hope you will be more successful than I have in convincing your loved one to calm down :)

7 people found this helpful

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IDENTIFY MANIPULATION AND SAVE YOURSELF!

I have gravitated towards dysfunctional partners for far too many year and ultimately wasted some of the best years of my life that I can never get back. My psychologist recommended this to me after we discussed tramatic incidents that occured with two separate long term partners. I blamed myself for so long, I will not accept manipulating behaviors or gestures in the future. LOVE YOURSELF!

4 people found this helpful

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Their research is lacking severely interpersonal complexity

Lots of stuffing, assumptions socially without considering other factors and stating them as facts with assumption state data is being truthful. They aren’t.

Little to no real coping, strategy’s or insights of interpersonal relations like the title and intro suggest.

The research is lacking severely, especially on the chapters with large scale assumptions.

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Critical info on BPD for helping professionals!!

Critical info on BPD for helping professionals!! I was captivated and felt the information characterized - not demonized - individuals suffering from BPD. Highly recommend it to anyone curious about the disorder, recently diagnosed with BPD, or the friends and family seeking information.

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well done

updated version excellent. Narrator very good. easy to understand. pace, volume and diction excellent.

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great information

A must listen if you have BPD! very informative and well written. it's a good start if you want to learn about BPD, but there is more information out there.

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The Cause of borderline society is the LGBT movement?

Hope I read it wrong. The authors suggest in chapter 4 that the LGBT movement and changing gender role led to more BPD. I wonder how they found evidence or research articles to suggest this claim. Really disappointed.

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Literally makes you feel worse if you have BPD.

I got this book to try to help me understand myself more & learn more about my disorder, I was recently diagnosed so it’s still very new to me. I hoped this book would help me see that I’m not as terrible as I think I am, but instead it made me feel so much worse. It’s written in a way that is very degrading — it just makes people with BPD look evil & crazy. It gave me anything but a sense of comfort. It made me feel like a burden to everyone around me.

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Excellent resource

Clear descriptions and helpful examples. Useful resource for clinicians and parents. The appendix was esp useful for differentiating between BPD and similar mental health issues. Also full of hope. BPD as a set of behaviors that can be modified (and minimized to the point of perhaps no longer meeting criteria for the disorder) through therapy and skill work.

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  • Arron Lawrence
  • 07-24-22

insightful, well read, useful step forwards...

The book is a useful step towards understanding the behaviours of such a person who is considered, to have a borderline nature towards the personalities of others, of of course, of their own.

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  • Jo
  • 04-04-22

Too much of a focus on social media

The book is full of counter variables stating theory's as fact. And having to much of a focus on social media. And not focusing on other things like the increase of sadism and abuse over the years. How people diets have gotten significantly worst over the year's and not talking about how education system can have a bad effect on someone mental health. And plenty of other facts that I don't want to mention because I don't want to turn this review into a book 0 out of ten do a rewrite of the book and do more research

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  • Rebecca
  • 01-23-22

Irksome use of he/she pronouns but otherwise okay

I found the constant switching backwards and forwards between “he” and “she” annoying. I get what they were trying to do, but it is a very dated approach to trying to be more inclusive. Gender neutral language exists, saying “they” covers everyone including non-binary people, removes the need to constantly change pronouns, and still fights the patriarchy.

Outside of that it was an interesting listen, certainly have gave me some ideas and areas for further research for my own practice.