• In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks...

  • . . . And Other Complaints from an Angry Middle-Aged White Guy
  • By: Adam Carolla
  • Narrated by: Adam Carolla
  • Length: 6 hrs and 42 mins
  • 4.4 out of 5 stars (2,499 ratings)

1 title per month from Audible’s entire catalog of best sellers, and new releases.
Access a growing selection of included Audible Originals, audiobooks and podcasts.
You will get an email reminder before your trial ends.
Your Premium Plus plan is $14.95 a month after 30 day trial. Cancel anytime.
In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks...  By  cover art

In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks...

By: Adam Carolla
Narrated by: Adam Carolla
Try for $0.00

$14.95/month after 30 days. Cancel anytime.

Buy for $21.00

Buy for $21.00

Pay using card ending in
By confirming your purchase, you agree to Audible's Conditions of Use and Amazon's Privacy Notice. Taxes where applicable.

Publisher's Summary

"A couple years back, I was at the Phoenix airport bar. It was empty except for one heavy-set, gray bearded, grizzled guy who looked like he just rode his donkey into town after a long day of panning for silver in them thar hills. He ordered a Jack Daniels straight up, and that's when I overheard the young guy with the earring behind the bar asking him if he had ID. At first the old sea captain just laughed. But the guy with the twinkle in his ear asked again. At this point it became apparent that he was serious. Dan Haggerty's dad fired back, 'You've got to be kidding me, son.' The bartender replied, 'New policy. Everyone has to show their ID.' Then I watched Burl Ives reluctantly reach into his dungarees and pull out his military identification card from World War II." 

It's a sad and eerie harbinger of our times that the Oprah-watching, crystal-rubbing, Whole Foods-shopping moms and their whipped attorney husbands have taken the ability to reason away from the poor schlub who makes the Bloody Marys. What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we now settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers. Adam Carolla has had enough of this insanity and he's here to help us get our collective balls back. 

In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks is Adam's comedic gospel of modern America. He rips into the absurdity of the culture that demonized the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, turned the nation's bathrooms into a lawless free-for-all of urine and fecal matter, and put its citizens at the mercy of a bunch of minimum wagers with axes to grind. Peppered between complaints Carolla shares candid anecdotes from his day to day life as well as his past Sunday football at Jimmy Kimmel's house, his attempts to raise his kids in a society that he mostly disagrees with, his big showbiz break, and much, much more. Brilliantly showcasing Adam's spot-on sense of humor, this book cements his status as a cultural commentator/comedian/complainer extraordinaire.

Adam Carolla is a radio and television host, comedian, and actor. He is the host of the "Adam Carolla Podcast", before which he hosted a weekday morning radio program broadcast from Los Angeles, and syndicated by CBS Radio. Besides these shows, Carolla is well known as the co-host of the radio show "Loveline" (and its television incarnation on MTV), as the co-creator and co-host of Comedy Central's The Man Show, and as the co-creator and the performer on Comedy Central and MTV's Crank Yankers and is a frequent contributor and contestant on ABC's top-rated program Dancing with the Stars. Carolla also starred in, co-wrote, and co-produced the award-winning independent film, The Hammer. He currently lives in Los Angeles with his wife and their two children.

©2010 Adam Carolla (P)2010 Random House Audio

Critic Reviews

"If comedy books were a big-breasted porn collection, In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks would be Christy Canyon." (Bill Simmons, ESPN columnist and best-selling author of The Book of Basketball)
"Adam Carolla is a genius. And no, I'm not kidding."(Jimmy Kimmel)
“I don’t know this guy from Adam, but Carolla’s humor - fearlessly crass, shamelessly honest and irresistibly funny - sucks out like liposuction the layers of fatty pride to expose the often warped and wounded psyche buried deep within the modern American male.”(Ken Burns)

What listeners say about In Fifty Years We'll All Be Chicks...

Average Customer Ratings
Overall
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    1,640
  • 4 Stars
    502
  • 3 Stars
    212
  • 2 Stars
    78
  • 1 Stars
    67
Performance
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    1,373
  • 4 Stars
    285
  • 3 Stars
    115
  • 2 Stars
    40
  • 1 Stars
    36
Story
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars
  • 5 Stars
    1,158
  • 4 Stars
    382
  • 3 Stars
    191
  • 2 Stars
    61
  • 1 Stars
    48

Reviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.

Sort by:
Filter by:
  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars

Save your money: racist, ignorant, loud babble

Starts very slow. An autobiography that goes on forever. I wouldn't mind if he were saying some jokes as he went along, but it's all the same rags-to-riches story we've heard a million times. Adam has as nice tone and it sounds like a friend is telling his story after too many beers, so you plow through it. You get a hint of his homophobia and racism. Not funny. But tolerable.

The middle of the audiobook picks up some speed. Adam gets to some funny stuff, not very original, but still funny. Airport security. Urinals and bathroom protocols. How doctors and auto repair shops overcharge you etc. You know, the same topics comics beat over and over these days. Some of it funny.

Then downhill. A freakin' list of movies he likes and dislikes that goes on forever. Nothing to do with the title or theme of the book. Just his list. Did I just pay fifteen bucks to listen to this?

And then his loud, long rant about his favorite music and who he likes from the '80s. You start feeling the ripoff. You beg for him to say something funny, show a new angle, something fresh that will make you smile. Instead he starts yelling and you have to turn the volume down to adjust. All about his taste.

It gets worse. Racist rants against Mexicans. In the same line as people who say "I'm not racist, I just don't like black people". Adam has nothing against Mexicans, it's just their culture, their being, their opportunism that he doesn't like. Jails are full of non-whites, and there's a reason for it. A family is a man and a woman, not gays. Women belong in the house. White men have made all good inventions in this world. On and on.

They advertise this as if he's some new George Carlin. By the end you realize it's just Jeff Foxworthy leftovers.

He complains that people call him a KKK Grand Wizard when he tells these 'plain truths'. Well, just go to any white supremacist website. You'll find the same jokes for free.

Save yourself $15 and go buy beer. At least you'll feel good about it.

27 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

Adam Carolla does no wrong...

Plain and simple...
there is no honesty... no true insight... no opinions these days. Adam Carolla is the truth.
Check out his podcasts.
from old lovelines to his true self in his podcasts u can't find better...
always insightful...

24 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

Adam says what we're all afraid to say

The title should probably say stand up and let em dangle. Adam says what we all want to say but stays humble and true to his roots. This audiobook is not a direct read from the book and is all over the map so if you already have the book (like me) get this audiobook as well to experience the full essence of Carolla, the visceral carnal spanking that society needs and Adam delivers. Thanks Ace.

22 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    2 out of 5 stars

a little disappointed..

This is one of the first books I have purchased from Audible I just could not finish. While I love his sarcasm, I think his stories are a little more interesting to him then they are to anyone else. It has its moments.. just not enough of them. And his voice eventually is just irritating.

17 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

Adam IS the Voice of Reason

Adam Carolla might rant and rave, but it's pretty much what every reasonable person is already thinking- or would be if the crazy left or right wing didn't try to guilt or bully them out of it. The left and the right might be loud, might have the soapbox, and each might be the flip-side of the same two-party coin, but Adam just tells it like it is, and illustrates time and time again that most people just plain don't think things through, or think critically enough to form reasonable or realistic opinions about anything. Adam's the blue collar hammer-swinging version of Jon Stewart, and not afraid to take on majority opinion or skewer the sacred cows. Adam is a great reader - and equally good at digression - so get an entertaining lesson in common sense with Adam Carolla, and download this now!

16 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

Truth

With all the sledge that inhabits our society these days, Adam Carolla, through his book as well as his other forms of media, has managed to bring me some hope for our society. In addition to being one of the funniest, most enjoyable reads I have had in a while, it is the truth and validity in his views on life that make this book such a rewarding and relevant accomplishment.

15 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

Hilarious Book

This book is awesome. The fact the "Ace" (Adam Carolla) reads it himself makes it even better. I laughed so many times while listening to this book that I had to stop it just to catch my breath on a few ocassions. Kudos to Adam for writing this and pointing out the little things in life that are both irritating and funny. If you like witty and ocassionally offensive sarcasm, you would be a fool not to buy this book. Thanks for reading this Adam. No other reader could have made it as good as you did.

13 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars

I'd like to write something but jeez i'm just a

p****. I agree with the whole sanitzer/lawyer/whatever crazy culture in the U.S. Carlin was one of the best on this topic. But give me a frickin' break - chicks/women/p*****'s are the worst thing in the world Adam??!! 'scuse me, I forgot how crappy we are. How awful it would be if our testerone-injected culture could turn it down a notch. You've got it all backwards. And yes, I'm happily married to a great guy but sick and tired of this kinda "feel sorry for me, I'm a tortured white guy being made to be a girl" stuff.

13 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    1 out of 5 stars

Surprised me by being a d*ck!

Wow, I really thought I liked Adam Carolla but upon hearing his world view I am no longer a fan. Adam is very forthright in the beginning of this book by admitting he is dumb, i.e. he doesn't know how to read or write due to his focus on sports in high-school and the fact that he was just passed over from grade to grade.
That admission aside, he then goes on to actually prove his stupidity by attempting to explain how he thinks US tax policy should work. Great, an admitted moron now thinks he is smart enough to develop a fair system of taxation. Purely due to the fact that he is a friend of Jimmy Kimmel, this ass-wipe thinks that he "worked hard" and "earned" all his millions of dollars in annual income. Loser here would still be a high-school drop-out and digging ditches for $7.00 and hour if not for Jimmy Kimmel. He has zero talent and has zero work for all the millions in income he has. Given that he luckily sneaked into the upper-class purely by knowing someone who has talent, he then goes on to rationalize his millions and to rant on our current taxation system. Specifically, that the rich are over taxed in the US! He is angry that the top 1% of the US pay 40% of the taxes in the US. Really? Well maybe you should also mention that the richest 1% of the US also owns as much as the combined wealth of the bottom 90%, or perhaps even more, before you start ranting that the poor rich people in the US are over-taxed.

What a total douchey ass-wipe. Unsubscribing from his podcast now.

10 people found this helpful

  • Overall
    5 out of 5 stars

Hilarious

Ace is the man. His points of view are hilariously accurate. If you're an opinionated person that likes his pod cast then you'll love the book. MUST listen.

9 people found this helpful