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Publisher's Summary

“One of the best books I’ve ever read on men’s emotional health and development.” Mark Manson, author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck and Models.

“I have read every self-help book out there, but this was the first that put everything together in a way that made perfect sense to me.”

“Every page of my copy of No More Mr. Nice Guy is highlighted in yellow. How did you know me so well?

A Nice Guy, according to Dr. Robert Glover, a pioneering expert on the Nice Guy Syndrome, is a man who believes he is not okay just as he is. He is convinced that he must become what he thinks others want him to be liked, loved, and get his needs met. He also believes that he must hide anything about himself that might trigger a negative response in others.

The Nice Guy Syndrome typically begins in infancy and childhood when a young boy inaccurately internalizes emotional messages about himself and the world. It is fueled by toxic shame and anxiety. Rapid social change in the late 20th century and early 21st century has contributed to a worldwide explosion of men struggling to find happiness, love, and purpose.

The paradigm of the Nice Guy Syndrome is driven by three faulty covert contracts. Nice Guys believe:  

  • If I am good, then I will be liked and loved.
  • If I meet other people’s needs without them having to ask, then they will meet my needs without me having to ask.
  • If I do everything right, then I will have a smooth, problem-free life.

The inauthentic and chameleon-like approach to life causes Nice Guys to often feel frustrated, confused, and resentful. Subsequently, these men are often anything but nice. Common Nice Guy patterns include giving to get, difficulty setting boundaries, dishonesty, caretaking, fixing, codependency, people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, passive-aggressiveness, unsatisfying relationships, issues with sexuality, and compulsive masturbation and pornography use.   

Since the publication of No More Mr. Nice Guy in 2003, hundreds of thousands of men worldwide have learned how to release toxic shame, soothe their anxiety, face their fears, connect with men, embrace their passion and purpose, and experience success in work and career. These men have also learned to set boundaries, handle conflict, make their needs a priority, develop satisfying relationships, and experience great sex.

This process of recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome allows men to move through:  

  • Depression
  • Social anxiety and shyness
  • Codependency
  • Low self-esteem
  • Loneliness and hopelessness
  • Feelings of failure
  • Lack of confidence and purpose
  • Compulsive behaviors and addictions
  • Feeling stuck in life

Contrary to what the title might seem to imply, No More Mr. Nice Guy does not teach men how to be not nice. Dr. Glover shows men how to become what he calls Integrated Males. Becoming integrated does not mean becoming different or better. It means being able to accept all aspects of oneself. An integrated male can embrace everything that makes him unique - his power, his assertiveness, his humor, his courage, and his mission, as well as his fears, his imperfections, his mistakes, his rough edges, and his dark side.

If you are ready to get what you want in love, sex, and life, No More Mr. Nice Guy will show you how.  

©2000, 2003 Robert Glover (P)2017 Recorded Books

What listeners say about No More Mr. Nice Guy

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    5 out of 5 stars

Nailed me right between the eyes

As a 46 year old male, ex-Marine, and self professed “nice guy” I finally understand that all this time, I have been causing my own pain. It hasn’t been my career, my spouse, my friends, my environmental conditions. The common factor in all those things has been me. No more Mr. nice guy described many of my own internal feelings like someone was reading my mind. Things that I’ve never told anyone. Now that I have clarity on these issues, I now have a way to work through them to be set free. I’ve already applied some of the techniques with immediate results. Mainly because the change started with me, which then encouraged positive responses from others. So basically, now I’m in the process of reviewing all of my thoughts and actions to challenge and change the defaults. If you even think this book might help you, take a chance. I did and I’m so very thankful to the author.

72 people found this helpful

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literally fixed me

I struggled to find the answer to why my marriage failed and my ex girlfriend cheated on me. the book cured me of my condition. real help inside. actionable and practical.

27 people found this helpful

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Life Changing

Every man needs to read this book. Period.
It's everything you missed growing up, and everything you need to be a happier and better man than you ever thought possible.
There's no clearer way to say this, do not skip this book. It literally saved my life, my relationships, and opened the door to a life I never dreamed was possible for me.

22 people found this helpful

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Only for nice guys!

Overall, this book tries to explain the origin of the nice guy and why he acts like he does. Some good excercises to help overcome nice guy syndrome, but I only recommend this book if this is your first read on the topic.

13 people found this helpful

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This book will end your misery!

I’m a veracious reader, I typically read/listen to over 300 books per year. This is the book that I’ve searched for my entire life. In the span of seven hours, I went from being a scared four year old boy to a 45 year old man. This book reveals why you have troubles in life, relationships and sex. It gets inside your head like nothing else will. This book is pure magic. Dr. Glover gave me my life back when he wrote this book. I’ve already listened to it 4 times and it will be a regular recurring read throughout the remainder of my life. I only wish that I had read it years ago. 5 stars isn’t a high enough rating.

10 people found this helpful

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amazing book

listened to it multiple times. cant say enough about how its helped me, in my personal and professional life. this contained innumerable revelations about why I do the things I do, and how to better myself in those situations.

9 people found this helpful

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I consider this a very DANGEROUS book

As a reader of a lot of these types of books and having a personal desire to expand myself as a person I’ve read and listened to hundreds of different books. Having an MD/PhD I’m no expert in this specific field. However a lover of behavioral psychology this is some of the worst blanket compartmentalized advice I could ever give a struggling individual.

I’m not surprised a long lengthy legal disclaimer was read before the book started. It’s dangerous. Such an over simplification of what is not most often rooted in one single condition. I’ll be the first I suffer from some of the tendencies found in this book. However to categorically place people in two distinct buckets is scary scary practice. In a way the book read if you do xyz you also do xyz but are unaware. That’s incredibly dangerous talk.

Secondly the assumption that events rooted in family absolutely can cause resentment towards a family member. It’s as if the intent is to go fishing for a problem pick the closest thing say ahh that’s why and forgive.

The second even more critical flaw is that people are secretive. Sure. Great. Have a spouse read it as encouraged by the author. Problem. If your relationship is shaky you just opened a Pandora’s box of hesitation and speculation. You hav potentially created a problem deeper than anything this book can solve.

The one dimensional nature of this book frightens me. A lot of great psych books available to help uncover and work towards treating your condition. I can see this one causing so much harm. If your impressionable even more so. Creating ghosts you don’t have.

Give it a listen. Some decent Tod bits. But. Wow. This book is for a very very specific person and sure. Absolutely can help. I just fear in the wrong hands this book can be ammunition to a world of pain not healing.

8 people found this helpful

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Practical guide for people pleasers

This book really resonated with me. It details many of the reasons and solutions for overcoming toxic shame. This is the updated version of the book. I’m not sure if the previous version had a pdf, but this one doesn’t. Tough to practically implement the recommended exercises without that.

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dissatisfied with life? buy the book

exellent book! it helps you see, how you in childhood from not getting your needs met, adapted to patterns of not making a lot of trouble, not asking for things and putting other people needs before your own (to deserve love, attention or whatever you need ), and how that's making it difficult getting your needs met as an adult.
it forces you to see your darker, disfunctional sides and how you sabotage for yourself. it's hard and felt heavy sometimes, but in the end I think it's worth it.
it encourages you to seek support and help from safe people, therapist or join a support group, to help you through your problems and help you get your needs met. there are 45 different exercises with questions to help you see and change your behavior. I will listen to this book again and do all of them. thanks for a great book!

7 people found this helpful

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Very insightful...

Upon listening to the book, I listened the sample and from there it started describing certain things that made sense in describing the type of person I may be. So now I want to learn more in which I did, but it definitely takes another listen. So much information about what you can learn from being too passive and explains just enough for you to understand ways to control your niceness. I'm hoping to learn more the second time around, so I can better understand myself and how I treat others... thank you!

7 people found this helpful

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  • Robert M
  • 08-30-18

for guys really struggling maybe... for others no.

this book is for guys who are really struggling in their relationship and life. I'm talking about guys who aren't allowed to go out, have the missus control the purse strings, have a dominant partner that treats then like shit etc. It endorses alot of support groups, 12 step groups etc

I bought this book to try and get some tips on how to say "no" to people at work and be a little more assertive... it focussed too much on a male being not too strong in his relationship at home and didn't really focus on work (although I'm sure transferable).

there is some good aspects of the book, but I felt 90% just wasn't applicable to my situation.

For: guys who are having trouble getting what they want at home (their own time, speaking up etc)

Not for: guys who feel their relationship at home is good, but feel they could do with some more assertiveness.

47 people found this helpful

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  • Saundg
  • 12-04-18

Conflicted

I have to say that I am somewhat conflicted about this book. On one hand I found some of the personal observations ‘spot on’, but I could not relate to any of the supposed causes of the ‘Nice Guy’ syndrome. I think the root cause analysis is far to simplistic and not really based on current scientific thinking on how our personalities are formed. That said, their are some nuggets to be found in the section ms on self sabotaging behaviour

10 people found this helpful

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  • Lyndsey
  • 01-31-19

every man needs to read

this is an amazing book for both men and women an eye opener and a new happy life

4 people found this helpful

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  • S
  • 05-23-18

Game Changer

I didn’t know what to expect from the book, but it helped me realise who I am and I can make big changes in my life now. A really helpful listen.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 03-17-18

A turning point in my life.

The same as what the author/narrator states, every chapter will resonate with the 'nice guy'.
The author has had enough experience dealing with nice guys to be able to hit on alot of signals associated with the issue to which i was not prepared for. To say he knows my deep seated issues is an understatement.
Quality of narration and subject knowledge is top class.
If you want to get the most out of this audio book, do not take this as a fleeting past time that you listen to on the way to work for 15minutes; dive into it head first, set a few hours aside regularly to do the activities and dig down deep to confront all the shit and sort out all that preprograming that is holding you back.

15 people found this helpful

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  • ChuzzyChu
  • 11-14-19

I learned so much about myself in this book...

Dr. Robert Glover did a phenomenal work in researching and penning this book to help men get out of their own way.

I discovered and learned so much about myself which I didn't like, I also realised things I have been doing that hasn't been serving me for years. But most importantly, I love that Dr. Glover also gave recommendations on how I could overcome my shortcomings a live a more powerful and super successful life as a strong man... Even in today's gyno-centric world.

While reading the book, I was already taking some of its recommended actions, and I already started liberating myself from discomforts about sex, talking about sex, and expressing myself more powerfully to the opposite sex.

I highly recommend this book to every man, even if you think or believe you're an alpha male. A lot of my friends identified me as an alpha male from my secondary school days, but this book spoke to me deep in my gut, and I learned a lot - for which I'm eternally grateful to Dr. Glover for.

Once again, this is a highly recommended read to every man.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Mark L
  • 11-28-21

Enlightening

After listening to this audiobook, I have a much better understanding of myself, and can see that by serving my testicles to my wife on a silver-platter, I allowed her to walk all over me.

I have now reclaimed my manhood and have much greater love and respect for myself.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Richard Acquaye
  • 06-03-21

This book read me like a book!

Discovered this from "The Roommates Podcast". The topics, pacing and structure are great. Highly recommend.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Gus
  • 09-16-20

Good ideas, very poorly written

Having higher standards for oneself, defending oneself, creating boundaries and demanding no less than absolute respect are the most important things one can ask for himself; therefore I don't disagree with the overall ideas exposed in the book.

The way however the author goes to explain these ideas are absolutely toxic and filled with negativity.
1. The author goes to say that all the mishaps in our lives are due to our parents and their bad parenting. In my opinion you can blame parents for a misbehaving teenager or young adult who doesn't know any better, but come on... blaming parents when a 30+ year old man is still a nice guy is just too easy. Wanna-be psychologist need to stop using the Freudian arguments of "Parents are all to blame". It's cheap and ridiculous.
2. Technically this is how this book is written "Nice guys like you are, let people step on their boundaries, have no self-respect, are failures in love, career and life. Therefore stop being a nice guy by creating boundaries, have self-respect and be successful in love, career and life" ... So, a) the author tries to give you that "tough-love" treatment which honestly is very insulting; assuming you're the worst and least confident human being on earth; b) says what "nice-guys" do without offering anything really practical to resolve it. Just saying "create boundaries" or "have self-respect" are general advice I can offer to anyone; and I'm not even a qualified psychologist.

These ideas could offer considerably more benefits to someone reading/listening the book if they were written in a different way; c.f. to a style closer to Robert Greene perhaps.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Dreamer
  • 11-28-18

Sensible Observations

The book details a (male child's) defective self development at childhood and how it affect his choice of spouse and subsequently his conduct in the relationship by passing on the buck, when in reality the man uses pkeasing behaviour to cover up for his short coming , and sonehows sees the other person as the issue, despite the man (child) best effort ar deceptive an overt pleasing behaviour. The pleasing behaviour is includes but is not limited to the following. Buying his partner gifts, helping with house work and generally doing whats expected of a (beta male) or man child

1 person found this helpful

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  • Thadeus
  • 07-02-18

Absolute Godsend!

I was one of those guys many years ago, 10 yrs in the same job too scared to start my own business. After listening to this I started training in Muay Thai at age 28. It was one of the best things I ever did for myself. My confidence exploded. Left my job, started my own business, married the girl of my dreams.

Sadly once married I slipped back into Nice guy / AFC / Beta guy tendencies. My business failed, marriage failed and here I am almost 10 years later starting over again.

The takeaway is once you break out, don’t stop doing the stuff recommended in this book that got you out. It’s so easy to slip back in.

Go time!!

9 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 08-30-19

From a woman’s perspective.. from my perspective

I wish that I had had the benefit of listening to the Wisdom of this content. Listening to some parts of the book make me realise how cringeworthy some of my behaviours have been to past partners and raising my son.
I would encourage men and women to listen to this content and glean what is relevant to your life and relationships. It will undoubtedly improve some aspect(s) of your current relationships.
And the best part .. you don’t lose any down time listening to Audible which keeps me on task when driving and undertaking my chores. 💕

3 people found this helpful

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  • Rick
  • 08-13-19

This man is doing god's work

This book isn't very applicable to me and yet I got so much out of reading it. It's great to know that someone has so perfectly put this information into a format that is accessible and ready to help those that need it.I know hundreds of men in my life that need this book. If you're even slightly unhappy with your work life, your marriage or your love/sex life in general you will surely get something out of this. Even if you don't, you'll simply smile when you realise that there's someone out there helping these men that need it. I have read countless books on similar topics and I think this is the only one that has the chance of being 'mainstream' which is the crucial part of solving this issue. Men and women alike can go through this and take it as a positive thing and nobody need be ashamed of it. Magical work.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Will M
  • 07-31-19

Highly Recommended

Only wish I had found it sooner.
If you’ve been recommended this book by someone there’s a good reason for it. The information is powerful and life-changing.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Antonino
  • 07-29-18

life changing.

I feel like the book was written based on my life. would definitely recommend to other people

2 people found this helpful

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  • Christopher Lazar
  • 07-15-21

life changing

i stumbled upon this book by sheer accident one morning wheni was the most depressed i'd been in a while. i made one last attempt at trying to understand what my problem was when i heard the title in a random YouTube video. This book had opened my mind, helped me begin sorting out my life, publish a crime-fiction novel i've been working on (Escape: what would you do if you could go back?) and many more things. Not to be dramatic, but this book saved my life. Thank you Robert.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Sugapriyan
  • 07-15-21

breaks you down... helps you to rebuild yourself.

lived up to the expectation. at risk of being another cliche , you relate to it so much you realize you're a walking stereotype and Dr glover aims to help you rebuild a better self once the stark and debilitating truth sets in. well explained. well narrated

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 07-22-18

Life Changing

Initially, I wasn’t sure if this book was for me. If I could get something out of it that would be great, but instead it really hit me with some home truths that will transform my life in all areas

1 person found this helpful

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  • Michael
  • 06-01-18

Thank you.

This book was a well deserved & overdue slip in the face. Thank you so much.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Val
  • 02-22-18

a must read for all blokes

absolutely blew my mind
I never felt so understood before and it answered so many nagging feelings I've had within myself

1 person found this helpful