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Publisher's Summary

In this book I have attempted to solve each and every one of life's problems. And I have succeeded.

Dear Listener,

Using letters, emails, tweets and telegrams I will show you how the things in your life that make you sad, low or anxious can soon appear trivial, insignificant and like a fish. In short, I will butter your parsnips.

Life is hard. We are a bombarded generation: Facebook, billboards, Twitter, Instagram, taxes, newspapers, watches monitoring our sleep, apps that read our pulse, terrorism. There's such an onslaught to the senses these days it's a marvel any of us manage to get out of bed. I love bed.

While we are overwhelmed and confused by the miasmic cloud of information, there are those that seek to take advantage: there are parking fines, hate tweets, Nigerian email scams and Christmas newsletters from old school friends about their ugly kids. And just as we're getting round to doing something about it, we're distracted again.

I, Joe Lycett, comedian, wordsmith, and professional complainer, am here to help. During my short life of doing largely nothing I've discovered solutions to many of life's problems, which I impart to you, dear Listener. Containing a centurion of complaint letters to unsuspecting celebrities, companies and anyone brave enough to clog up my phone, as well as illustrations, one-liners, jokes and life hacks, this little gem offers you a collection of tips and advice* for all manner of modern woe. By the time you have finished listening to this book you will have learnt how to:

  • Reverse a parking fine
  • Manipulate the tabloid press
  • Navigate social media
  • Respond to hate mail
  • Out-weird Internet trolls
  • Contest a so-called ripe avocado
  • Send the perfect Christmas newsletter
  • Defeat ISIS
  • Take down multinational companies

AND MUCH, MUCH MORE!

Joe Lycett x

* If you are looking for guidance with taxes, quitting smoking, moving house, love, divorce, education, health care or anything actually important may I recommend speaking to friends or family members and not consulting a book by a comedian who eats halloumi at least twice a day.

©2016 Joe Lycett (P)2016 Hodder & Stoughton

What listeners say about Parsnips, Buttered

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Love Joe Lycett

Brilliant observations and I never tire of listening to his voice
Very very funny loved it

1 person found this helpful

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Absolutely Wonderful!

I've listened to this so many times and I laugh each time! I love Joe as a comedian, and he doesn't disappoint in his writing or delivery.

1 person found this helpful

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Hilarious

It will make you laugh out loud, and then people will look at you with suspicion as you walk alone, laughing out loud.

1 person found this helpful

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LMFAO

This book kept me laughing so hard, I actually had to stop listening to it a work after I choked and spit my coffee at my computer screen, because I laughed so hard. I love Joe Lycett he is the best comedian EVER!!

1 person found this helpful

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Good but short

I liked this a lot. Joe is a legend. It's just too short and cost a full credit.

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Funny!

Joe’s book, like his stand-up…is funny, witty, always a pleasure to listen to, and chock full of life hacks and great ideas!! Hope you are well!
Thanks Joe!

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Hilarious

Hilarious, very happy I bought it. I’ll be writing some emails shortly. Thanks Joe Lycett.

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Killing Me.....Literally....or is it Figuratively?

I learned about this comic (rude me: Mr. Joseph Lycett) via Facebook Watch during my lunch break. Looking for something to listen to during my 10-mile weekend walks about my New England village (braggy), I stumbled upon his audiobook. It was such a treat and went by way too fast. However, I did have some moments of awkwardness where drivers-by though me deranged for the grimaces on my face and/or the tears rolling down my face. The book is overall very clever and funny and inspired, but there are some moments when I lost my *&^%$.... I was laughing so hard I could have walked right into traffic....thankfully, I did not. Not long enough, but so darn funny. A birdbath full of pesto....who'd of thunk it?

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Oh Joe, you troll of trolls

I've been on a Joe binge while recovering from surgery. This audio book didn't disappoint.

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laugh out loud funny

Always loved Joe Lycett. This book did not disappoint. And it was in Joe's own voice! All class.

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  • Wendy
  • 08-15-18

Same Story’s As His Stand Up

I was really excited when I down loaded this audio book as I think Joe is really funny and I couldn’t wait to find out more about him. I have to say though that I was a little disappointed as most of the story’s in his book have been told on his stand up appearances on the TV. I am going to see him live next month, I really do hope he has some new jokes and story’s for then.

8 people found this helpful

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  • SJC
  • 10-03-18

Funny in short bursts

While I do appreciate Joe’s humour and enjoy his style I felt that after the first half an hour the ideas were beginning to stall. While his previous performances about parking were funny this one seemed like he was trying too hard and it ran out of steam very quickly, as did some other attempts with companies/agencies. The 3hrs and 43mins will be fun if you listen in short bursts.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Katie
  • 11-06-16

best comedian of all time

Joe Lycett is my favourite comedian for a number of reasons. He is the stereotypical British complainer, however he takes it 5000 steps further than the ordinary brit with his hilarious whit, glitter and Fox photos. Taking a stab at recent politics and parking enforcement officers is what he does best, and thankfully he does it very well. His multiple aliases rattle the bones off many snobby idiots, ranging from homophobic twats to professional casinos. Britain at its finest.

I now have the tools to piss off anybody who tries to annoy me. thanks Joe.

10 people found this helpful

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  • Laura
  • 10-21-16

Very, very funny

Be careful if you are listening to this while driving. There were times I laughed so much I nearly crashed the car!!

10 people found this helpful

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  • Gareth Mugridge
  • 11-15-16

Hopefully doth butter these parsnips!

Have listened to this through 8 times in 2 weeks. Brilliant! Joe's performance really excels. SAMANTHA PETERSON!

6 people found this helpful

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  • Mike
  • 01-12-17

Superbly performed and hilarious.

Sarcastic and retortive humour at it's finest. Lycett satisfyingly gives life's little irritants both barrels.

5 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 10-29-16

Amazing

One of the funniest and wittiest comedians today. This book was a breeze to to listen to, absolutely perfect and I'm already hoping he writes another one.

8 people found this helpful

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  • Ed Goodman
  • 11-15-16

Hilarious. Hope you're well xx

Madness and mayhem are two perfect words to describe Joe and any conversation that involves an email from him. A very funny way to spend 3 and a bit hours.

7 people found this helpful

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  • C Stevenson
  • 01-13-17

Frickin hilarious

This book made me laugh a lot, I love Joe Lickit's work :) listened twice through

4 people found this helpful

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  • Mr. Trevor D. Luckett
  • 01-02-17

great book

loved the book. seen clip on cats do countdown and got book to hear more. very funny.

4 people found this helpful

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  • Sindy Sinn
  • 07-12-18

Disgruntling, Irritating and Messy

This audiobook contained little to no information on butter, parsnips nor buttered parsnips. And the further I invested my dwindling time on this earth into this mildly-amusing read, the more it became apparent that Joe had no intention to do so. Whatsmore, at the conclusion of the audiobook, my device exploded with glitter which has made masturbating quite painful.

I hope you're well. Kind regards. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

4 people found this helpful

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  • Carlos Ybarra
  • 05-25-18

Joe Lycett the guy who all councils should fear !

Greatly appreciated the mindless and numbness unhelpful nature of this book. Full of useful but useless information to tackle various aspects of life and councils. All which take aweful amount of time.Which Joe Lycett seems to have a lot of ,loved the audio.1

2 people found this helpful

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  • Felicity
  • 03-29-19

Hilarious

Laughed the whole way through. Joe is hilarious! Would highly recommend to anyone in need of a good belly laugh

1 person found this helpful

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  • Margo Cannon
  • 06-06-18

Wonderful!

My only complaint is that this book is only 3 hrs and 43 mins.

Loved it!

1 person found this helpful

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  • Paul Paulington
  • 02-28-18

Worst Cookbook Ever

Would you try another book written by Joe Lycett or narrated by Joe Lycett?

I would assume anyone from the Third Reich or an fifth of the Kardashians

Any additional comments?

The majority of these recipes are either unintelligible or missing key ingredients

3 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 06-12-22

re-reading straight away!!

hilarious, best thing since James Acaster's Classic Scrapes. Second to last chapter is my favourite, though there are many highlights.

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  • Tess L.
  • 04-15-22

Great book!

I would strongly recommend this book to anyone that likes a good laugh. Well done Joe!

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  • Tola
  • 12-15-21

love Joe Lycett

Very funny. Glad I bought it. Happy he read it himself. Loved every minute.

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  • Georgina Brown
  • 07-30-21

Very funny

I honestly believe this book must be consumed via audio book. Joe’s reading adds to the comedy.

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 04-25-21

ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT

I don't usually like books ( reading or listening ) but I finished listening to this book three days !!!! Joe lycett is ridiculously funny & this book is excellent . I 100% recommend !!