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Publisher's Summary

My best friend’s older brother excels at many things—being a bossy grump, a jerk, and...this hopeless virgin's fake fiancé?

I need a guy who understands that this is all pretend, and who better than a man who can't stand me—and vice versa? Besides, Derrick is the kind of cocky, confident, successful dude-bro my gram will adore.

We'll convince my ailing grandmother I’m not going to die alone, Derrick will honor that favor he owes me, and we'll part ways as enemies with no benefits.

It’s a rock-solid plan...until it isn’t. 

Turns out I may have made a slight miscalculation.

Now Derrick is charming my family, sweeping me off my feet, and making me want crazy things.

Suddenly, I think I might actually want him to be my first and maybe...my only?

Yeah, I’m screwed.

So bleeping screwed.

This audiobook contains the bonus prequel novella 10,000 Things I Hate About You, Derrick and Harlow's origin story!

©2022 Lili Valente (P)2022 Lili Valente

What listeners say about Screwed

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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

DNF - not a bad story just not what I wanted

Beware:Spoilers!

I don't typically write reviews but I am 2 hours away from finishing this and I just can't.

I LOVE sexy smut as much as the next girl but cheese and crackers the main female character, Harlow, goes from being a virgin to a complete sex addict in the span of a couple of hours/days. Maybe it's because I have never experienced that level of constantly needed to be having sex every waking moment but after so many rounds I begin to wonder what keeps her going.

For example: we will be in a scene where her climax has reached new heights and she is ready and rearing to go like minutes later wanting to try another position like she needs to complete the kama sutra before her week with Derreck is over.

I don't know about anyone else, but typically "best sex of my life" leaves a person pretty spent and exhausted. Apparently this isn't her case.

I did however enjoy that Derreck, the main male character, is pretty forthcoming with his feelings as he readily admits he wants more. It was a nice change of pace that the guy wanted something more serious than the girl was looking for.

I don't know what I wanted from this story but I know that I am struggling to finish it. Like I am sure it has a happy ending and all but where I am at now is virtually unbearable to listen to.

P.S. voice actors did a great job, it was just the content of the story that I found annoying and bothersome. I think I was looking for a true enemies-to-lovers story which are typically more dark and actually feels like enemies not this type of psuedo-enemy.

1 person found this helpful

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Sorry,but.🙄

I’m gonna have to be the negative one for this listen. The 1st chapter should have been the sample so you can access the maturity level of the characters. Don’t get me wrong not all characters were immature just the females. But the age gap definitely show’s which is why I don’t get the attraction but love is blind right plus fictional rom-com.
I got as far as chapter 8 and just took the L on my credit. Oh and am I the only one who thought it made no sense that the doctors said gma wouldn’t survive another case of pneumonia but they had their family reunion at a cold ass ski resort. I just think this one was for a certain age group.

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Love love love Derrick and Harlow!!!

Harlow and Derrick cannot stand each other. We see a bit of this in book 1, but we don’t really know why they have this hate towards each other, well more on Harlow’s side than Derrick’s. She’s made it almost her life’s mission to be evil to him at every interaction. Yet, she can’t stop fantasizing about him. I think that makes her even madder. Then one day when he visits the apartment and he slips on ice outside and comes in with a huge cut on his head. One of my favorite lines in the book is from this scene. “Maybe you should wait to thank me until you see how much glue I used.” The rest of that passage made me giggle. This kinda leads them to have a little momentary truce when they agree to travel together. This book has everything I love about enemies to lover’s story. It’s got fake dating and misunderstandings and when they get together, oh MAN it’s HOT! I loved this so much I listened twice! I fell in love with Harlow and Derrick and anyone else that reads this book or listens to the audio will too!

Lili Valente and Jason Clarke were perfect in this book! I could not get enough of them together. Lili brought to life Harlow’s sarcastic humor and Jason brought Derrick’s growly protector vibes.

I loved the added novella, 10,000 things I Hate About You, narrated solo by Lili. This gives you the backstory of how Harlow & Derrick’s hatefest began and you learn why that hate is so strong.

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Harlow and Derrick’s Story is A Delicious Delight

This is a fun, flirty and steamy best friend's brother rom-com that had me laughing out loud one moment then swooning the next it will appeal to all fans of enemies to lovers or fake fiancé stories. It's a delicious delight of a feel-good and funny romance. Harlow and Derrick agree to pretend to be engaged, they supposedly don't like each other and think there's no danger of them falling for each other during the week they are to spend together, but they're wrong, even though they try to deny their new feelings they can't deny the chemistry they share it's palpable, steamy and passionate. You get a real sense of Harlow’s fear of falling in love but somehow it happened anyway!

The narration by Lili Valente and Jason Clarke is wonderfully done, they bring these two characters to life making you feel their chemistry. Jason did a great job portraying Derrick and Cameron whilst Lili as Harlow was perfect. I loved their duet style narration.

I was given this audiobook as a gift and am voluntarily writing my review.

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Fun & Swoony

Screwed has two of my favorite tropes: enemies-to-lovers and fake engagement. This means there was plenty of flirty banter, swoony tensions, and lots of anticipation. Harlow and Derrick have a novella that really adds to the enjoyment of this story and explains why their relationship is so strained in the beginning. The thing is, neither one really hates the other. Quite the opposite. And hilarity ensues as they grow closer and try to clear up their age-old misunderstandings. This book is fun from start to finish and will have you laughing and swooning in equal measure.

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I adore Jason Clarke as a narrator!

Jason Clarke could read the phone book and make it sound sexy. give him awesome dialogue in a great romance and OMG!!! I loved this audio version!

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Derrick & Harlow!!! SWOON ♥️

Who doesn’t love an enemies to lovers, fake fiancé, feel good, funny romance. I was so excited to listen to Harlow and Derrick’s story. When they were first introduced in Scored, their intense verbal sparing and undeniable attraction had my interest piqued. Now we get to see how Harlow and Derrick fall for each other while pretending to be engaged and feelings get denied. Their chemistry was passionate and steamy. They tried to keep their feelings bottled up but eventually realized they were each other’s end game. Derrick went from being a bossy, overprotective older brother to sexy, sweet, bossy in the bedroom dreamy hero. I definitely fell for him.
This book was narrated by Lili Valente & Jason Clarke. They did a wonderful job bringing these two characters to life and I enjoyed their chemistry. Jason did a great job portraying Derrick and Cameron. The text exchange between Harlow & Cameron were hilarious and I loved how it was duet style narration. Lili as Harlow was perfect. She captured Harlow’s fear of falling in love with her first, but also how she was sassy and snarky and funny around Derrick and her Grams. Overall, this was an entertaining, cute, funny, steamy romcom. I’m excited to see what happens next with Cameron or Jess in this series!

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Fun and Flirty!

“Screwed” is a fun, flirty and steamy best friends brother rom com that had me laughing out loud one moment and swooning the next.

Harlow and Derek have been frenemies for a long time. Harlow is Evie’s best friend and Derek has always seen her as another little sister. When he gives her a ride upstate for her family vacation, Harlow asks him to be her fake boyfriend. He ups the ante and agrees to be her fake fiancé. But the two have had feelings for each other and those feelings come to light during the week together.

I loved Harlow and Derek together. They are both smart, witty, and genuine. Both are close to certain family members, Derek with his sister and Harlow with her grandma. Those relationships are a big part of who they are and bring them together. Derek is a great guy and you can’t help falling for him. Harlow is a great friend and someone you want in your corner.

Lili Valente and Jason Clarke did an AMAZING job narrating them. Lili narrating her own work brings something special to the audiobook. She knows these characters and it shows in her performance. And I love Jason anytime I get to listen to him. His gruffy voice is always so nice to listen to.

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Enemies-to-lovers, fake relationship fabulousness!!

"Screwed, I mutter to my reflection around my toothbrush. You are so screwed.”

Screwed: A V-Card Diaries Novel by Lili Valente is an enemies-to-lovers, best friend's older brother, fake fiancé, virgin romance. Harlow has big dreams for herself and her career path, none of which include falling prey to "first dick fever” like the other women in her family. First Dick Fever (aka FDF) is falling stupidly and irreversibly in love with the first man to put in more than ‘just the tip'. Much to her dismay, trying to find the perfect first person to punch her V-card is more difficult than she thought it would be. Thus, she finds herself a twenty-four-year-old virgin with a disastrous dating life.
Because her beloved Gram's health is failing, their family reunion is moved up and Harlow is feeling the pressure to produce a fake bovfriend. She wants Gram to know that Harlow is happy, and will have someone to take of her after she's gone. Enter Derrick, aka Satan, her best friend Evie's older brother. As luck would have it, he just happens to be taking a ski vacation at the same resort as Harlow's family. There has always been something between Harlow and Derrick, going back to her teen years when she asked him to be her first, but he declined. He agrees to play her fake boyfriend while on the trip, but then throws her for a loop by upping the ante with a fake proposal. He realizes maybe he's always had a crush on Harlow. And maybe her dislike of him was her convincing herself that she wasn’t interested in him. Maybe their constant fighting has been foreplay all along. Will Derrick and Harlow be able to pull off their fake engagement? Will Harlow fall victim to FDF after all?

This book is narrated by Lili Valente and Jason Clarke. We are obsessed with this duo. Lili has perfect comedic timing in her delivery. Jason is just the right amount of bossy, charming and dirty. His female voice is so lovely and truly reflects the vulnerability Harlow feels.

Screwed can be read as a stand-alone, but it is the second book in the V-Card Diaries series. To fully appreciate the characters, we recommend you read the books in order. The first book, Scored is about lan and Evie's love story. Cameron's book, Seduced, will be the third installment of the series. We cannot wait to read more from Lili. We love her writing, and we adore this fun, quirky and oh so lovable group of characters!

“Though I will say that the perfect first person is worth waiting for. Totally worth it. And that spanking is way more fun than I thought it would be.”

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Adorable rom-com

As a teenager Harlow knew she had a thing for her best friend’s older brother. But that is such a cliché and when she finally tries to make a move on him and he turns her down Harlow is determined to hate Derrick for the rest of her life. But everything changes when their paths cross several years later.
This story is fun and lighthearted with a good amount of romantic will they/won’t they. I would highly recommend it for fans of rom-com.

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  • Barbra Lazzarini
  • 04-25-22

Fabulous ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥

I’m definitely loving this series and these beautiful characters. I especially loved listening to Jason and lili bring this story to life ❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥❤️‍🩹