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Should I Stay or Should I Go?  By  cover art

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

By: Ramani Durvasula PhD
Narrated by: Ramani Durvasula PhD
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Publisher's Summary

Do you feel like you are talking and talking, and your partner is never listening?

Do you feel like you keep saying the same thing over and over again?

Does your partner make promises, only to break or betray your trust repeatedly?

Is your partner controlling or just plain mean?

Have you read every relationship book out there, practiced your communication skills, and still feel unheard or neglected?

Are you done with second chances?

Should you stay or should you go?

We live in a world of romance and rescue - where everyone believes love will conquer all, and the more we put up with, the more loving we are being. It doesn't work that way. Sometimes we choose mean people, and before long we are in so deep, we don't know whether we are coming or going. One day you want to fight harder, and the next day you are ready to pack it in, and the next day you want to fight harder.

Should I Stay or Should I Go? is a survival manual, a guidebook, and a shot of reality. Some people will never change, and kissing frogs is the stuff of fairy tales, not real life. The Beast never turns out to be a nice guy (or gal). This is a book that breaks down what mean people do to us, how they do it, and what we can do to survive.

©2015 Post Hill Press (P)2015 Post Hill Press

What listeners say about Should I Stay or Should I Go?

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Wake up call !

This audio book really hit home for me. It was like it was a story about my life, literally. I now realize how and why I have been suffering for decades. I knew something was wrong but didn't realize the extent of it. Listening to this book on audio was more powerful than reading it because hearing Dr Durvasula beautifully explain herself really was empowering for me. Also, listening to this book in the privacy of my car while driving about was much safer than being caught by my narcissist with such a book in my possession. Thank you!

36 people found this helpful

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This should be your Primary Guide dealing with a Narcissistic Relationship

If I were to purchase one book to deal with this subject matter, this would be the book. It is clear, concise, and very accurate to all other information I have researched in this field.

For me this book is the Bible for trying to figure out how to recover from a soul destroying relationship with a narcissist. It has been incredibly helpful and I will refer to it again and again. I cannot recommend it enough.

29 people found this helpful

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In Shock

It is hard to listen to this book. I felt sick to my stomach by what has happened over 20 years in my marriage. This hits directly to the core issues of Narcissism.

I believe that personality disorders should be taught much earlier in life. I am well into my 50’s and just learning more about this. I cannot believe I was so blind.

The author makes excellent points and it will only get worse as we head into a world of instant gratification.

Thank you for your work here, it has opened my eyes. With greatest appreciation.

18 people found this helpful

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Helped me immensely

I had already read at least 5 books on narcissistic personality disorder but none were as clear as this one. I love that it is based on research but still very interesting. I also love that she does not come off as judgmental in any way. It's very well-organized facts that make so much sense. The book is written with compassion as well. I can't say enough about it.

18 people found this helpful

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This is By FAR THE BEST BOOK ON NARCISISM EVER

Dr, Druvasula, explains in so much detail the syndrome that can help you pin point exactly all the behaviors, characteristics and trends of the narcissist as well as how those affect you. One of the most valuable things compared to any other books its that She gives you the tools to deal with the narcissist if for some reason you decide or must keep them in your life. Tools to protect your self and your own self worth.

Extremely recommended to anyone.

17 people found this helpful

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Only book that breaks down BOTH options!!

Great book, I loved that it gave both options, & so true what you'll face if you stay in "survival mode". I think it would literally kill me, it almost has. I pray one day soon I'll be grateful he's gone. It's fear of failure, but he eventually always tore me down anyway, no matter how hard I tried. I've come back a lot already, & I'm guessing within the next year I'll be grateful I'm out of the decade & a half of hell. To a better life!

17 people found this helpful

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Iam absolutely speechless!!!!

Tears of relief. When I lost all hope, I will survive!!! Absolutely worth every bit!!! Thank you so much. Headphones never left my ears once I started until it was completely finished. I have my life back!!!! Astonishing in every way possible. This book gave me my Hope's dreams and sanity back all with still understanding my narc and having compassion for him, as he is a human too. Always love yourself. My life will be forever changed, as I opened my eyes for the first time in 12 years. Tears, tears and more tears are streaming down my face, as I celebrate my freedom once again!!!!!

13 people found this helpful

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The best on “narcissistic disorder”

I am a victim of a narcissist... I could not understand what was happening to me and had no idea that such people exist...
Oh, boy... they do exist...
this book will open your eyes...
This book will be very helpful to anyone!!!
I HIGHLY recommend it!!!!

11 people found this helpful

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Exceptional

A must read book if you are dealing with a narcisist.
It will change your life for the better !

10 people found this helpful

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  • JF
  • 06-21-16

Good content, poor narration

Authors should not always read their own books for audiobook and if they do, should always use professional equipment.

The book is excellent in terms of the content but the poor audio and self-narration make it difficult to listen to. Still worth it but, yikes.

10 people found this helpful

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  • Arfan Dad
  • 04-01-17

Very useful audio book, thank you Dr Ramani

Very useful audio book, thank you Dr Ramani, especially for recording this yourself! One minor comment; as a male 'reader' coming out of a relationship I struggled a little as you refer to the male as the narcissistic partner throughout the book!

5 people found this helpful

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    3 out of 5 stars
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  • Mr R Kenny
  • 06-25-18

Hard to hear.

If you want a reason to leave listen to this, if not don't. One person's narcissist is another's life partner.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Ghani
  • 10-01-18

The book sounds like a glorified Buzzfeed article

She sounded emotionally involved in the story and I could sense a lot of anger. Many of the expressions used sounded opinionated in a repulsive manner. The book honestly did not sound like it was written by a Psychologist.

I believe the author's role would have been better off if it focused on observation and analysis rather than presenting advice as religious doctrines and placing narcissists in a place of someone with a personality disorder rather than someone who is deemed a bad person

2 people found this helpful

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  • Natalie
  • 01-26-17

Definitely worth the read

This book is well set out, meaningful and in depth. I'd highly recommend to anyone in a relationship with a narcissist.

2 people found this helpful

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  • ao
  • 06-21-16

An absolute insight into the mind of a narcissist

..and an arsenal of advice on how to survive them. This book is a must-read.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 06-24-20

This book is everything you need!!

Objective, precise and straight to the point. it's a life saving tool for victims and a source of knowledge for professionals in the field

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 05-31-20

A great overview of narcissism

The book provides a good overview of narcissism and specifies traits. However I felt the book geared towards leaving the relationship. It only had one chapter of staying in the relationship.
I would’ve like to see equal measures of this without imposing leaving to the reader.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Miss L.
  • 05-13-20

A game changing book

A clear , thorough , thoughtful, calm work providing absolute clarity on this subject . Thank you for your hard work Dr R

1 person found this helpful

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  • Prisca Brathier
  • 02-04-20

Excellent book !!!

Loved it ! Would recommend to anyone who live with Narcissists. There so many advices, I wish this book was written 20 years ago.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Ebbie
  • 05-19-19

Great book

Narrated by the author herself which is great , best book I listened on Audible and definitely a must read for those people that want to understand narcissism . Do not think twice about getting it ! Thankyou Dr Durvasula

1 person found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 01-13-20

One of the best relationship books!

This relationship book touches on a subject that others don't. Narcissism. If you or anyone you know has experienced a narcissist and need help, this is the book for you. Well written and well narrated.

3 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 06-12-19

Needs to invest in better audio/performer

The book has very interesting topics and points of view regarding how is it to live with narcissist partner, and how to identify this kind of people. the examples given are useful but they’re not enough. unfortunately the book is vague about managing this kind of relationships in practical terms, and it is not clear enough about tangible/substantial consequences on someone’s mental health when involved with a narcissist. Also, the beauty of the topic is opaqued by an appalling quality of audio, and the way in which the book is “read” instead of being “told”. The autor should allow a more experienced story teller to read her book, or at least, have a close look on how other performers apply proper story-telling techniques.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Tinashe
  • 09-09-20

Excellent book with great ideas on how to manage

This book has taught me so much about what has been happening in relationships like this and how ppl can actually work through staying or going. It is very insightful engaging and takes you on a journey that truly helps you to see how these dynamics manifest in the day today and year to year existence of being in one of these relationships. Doctor Ramani is an excellent speaker, researcher, clinician, and reader which makes this book so powerful but easy to engage with.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 12-07-18

Simply incredible!

Wow, such an insightful book, thank you so much Dr Ramani Durvasula for shining light on a relationship topic I have struggled to understand my entire adult life. A life changer!

1 person found this helpful

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  • Rebecca Cattell
  • 11-02-22

Wise Doctor Ramani

With her trademark extensive knowledge on the subject of narcissists and their behaviour in relationships , Dr Ramani takes a deep dive into the experience of relating to and recovering from relationships with toxic individuals. She ably demonstrates her understanding of the trauma bonding that takes place in such relationships. She never preaches or prescribes easy solutions to a complex problem but rather offers sound strategies and choices for the survivors of such relationships whether or not they remain in the relationship . This book is compassionate and empowering and I highly recommend it to all who have found themselves in such a relationship or care about loved ones who have , at whatever their stage of the journey.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 10-01-22

Should not be gendered

I was hoping making the stories gendered wouldnt be an issue but it really is. Isnt the author a psychologist? Surely they are aware that many men coming to this would have been manipulated into believing they are in the wrong. That is the whole agenda of a narcissistic partner- to create self doubt. Men in relationships with narcissistic women are at risk of having their sanity further crumbled. The argument to proceed ahead this way simply because men are in the minority as victims of narcissistic abuse is premature and reckless.

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  • Tiffany
  • 09-01-22

healing to read

this book described my relationship to the letter. it was healing to read. changed my life. provided some closure and guidance

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  • Anonymous User
  • 08-27-22

Worth the time spent listening

Enjoyed the content, narration was well paced and easy to listen too.
I found this helpful to listen too after I had already left a toxic relationship but there is a section on how to cope if you stay but I just skipped it.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 10-05-21

I finally feel like I may actually not be crazy.

I am blown away at the quality of content in this book. Thank you Ramani.
For me the penny finally dropped.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 09-08-21

Exceptional book!

Ramani got straight to the point about narcissim and how it can have an effect on others.
I learnt so much from listening to her book.