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Publisher's Summary

No more games; it's time for the truth. I am not the hero in this tale. I am the villain.

Do you believe in monogamy? Neil Strauss didn't. The New York Times journalist made a name for himself advocating freedom, sex and opportunity as author of The Game - with intimacy and long-term commitment taking a backseat.

That is until he met the woman who forced him to ask the questions that men and women are asking themselves every day: Is it natural to be faithful to one person for life? Do alternatives to monogamy lead to better relationships and greater happiness? Can you keep passion and romance from fading over time?

Strauss set out on a quest for answers. It took him from Viagra-laden free-love orgies to sex addiction clinics, from cutting-edge science labs to modern-day harems and, most terrifying of all, to his own mother and his family's secrets. What he discovered changed everything he knew about love, sex, relationships and, ultimately, himself. The Truth may have the same effect on you.

©2015 Neil Strauss (P)2015 Canongate Books

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The breakup book

This book got me through my breakup.
A breakup following my first long term relationship.
This is the breakup book.

1 person found this helpful

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It's all about his issues

You didn’t love this book... but did it have any redeeming qualities?

The book just spoke about Neil's personal issues that he went through. There was nothing to gain from a readers perspective on how to manage their relationships.

1 person found this helpful

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Brave

It takes great courage to be so open and honest. The story is gripping and raw.

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Not ANOTHER PUA book.

A great book for relationship Enlightenment. (IF you have the stomach for this kind of Enlightenment).

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Profile Image for Lance Johnson
  • Lance Johnson
  • 11-05-17

The search for the perfect relationship

Let me introduce you to the common reader of this book, lets call him Bill. Bill is likely to be in a monogamous heterosexual relationship, and may have a few relations before that. Often he walks down the street and sees/fantasise about beautiful women he encounters and wonders what could be, but doesn't have the ability and/or motivation to take the steps to achieve this desire, including a possible moral/religious code.

Enter Neil Strauss, author of this book. He is not like 99% of the readers of this book. He has claimed to slept with 100s of women, and has written a fantastic book on meeting women, entitled "The Game". Unlike Bill, Neil has the ability to seduce women, complimented by a lack of moral compass to undertake and explore the desires that Bill/most men has.

The book begins with Neil, stuck in a relationship with his girlfriend/future wife Ingrid. Ingrid is a lady who has extremely poor male role models - her father tried to murder her mother, her step father treated her badly, etc . Ingrid is not like 90% of the female population. She is the door mat to Neil's back door to the outside garbage dumpster. Neil can't understand why apparently being with an attractive woman like Ingrid, he still desires other women/watches porn. He then leaves her to go explore many different avenues available to the heterosexual/famous writer male.

He explores polyamoury, Bliss, commune, sex orgi parties, and open relationships. He undertakes sex therapy, all in his to seek the ultimate heterosexual sexual relationship.

Now I would be lying, if I did not find Neil's journey, enlightening. In fact, I found that his book gave me an appreciation for my own monogomaus relationship, but more importantly my ethical code. I appreciated his discussions with his friend and his psychologist, which helped me to open doors or help explain some of my own behaviour, not related to sex, which I hope to correct.

The most important thing I learnt, is that it is a blessing from God, that most men like Bill are deficient at certain skills in their lives. It is a blessing that men like Bill do not have the ability of Neil, to be able to seduce low self-esteem women easily. Because if one has easy access to any power, it is certainly at high risk of abuse. Such is the way of dictators, with their absolute power, or the expert male pick up artist.


I recommend listening/reading this book, with the certain intellectual caveats.

1. Neil is extremely powerful at justifying his claims/beliefs. If you are easily swayed/influenced, please stop. Think and create an argument against it when presented by him. You will find that when Neil comes back to refute his original beliefs, that you may already found that you had come to that conclusion long ago.

2. Neil fails to realise or acknowledge certain truths of man – man will continue to desire things no matter how much he has – e.g. if he had a valley of gold, he would want two valleys of gold. That is his nature and that is a constant battle to restrain himself, he must prepare and undertake for the rest of his life.

3. Neil talks about the ultimate goal - being true to himself – he does not realise that man is ultimately flawed, and his self is in constant flux – it will change from week to week.

4. The women Neil actually dates, are for most men, one nightstand you might want, but ultimately are poor wives/partners. Ingrid takes Neil back after dumping her, undertaking this sexual journey. Rather than be strong, and telling him to get lost, she incredulously takes him back. One wonders if this relationship is going to last.

5. Neil blames his parents for the origin of most of his problems. Don’t get me wrong, it may contribute, but perhaps the fact that he ends up hanging around nutcases like actors/singers/pick up artist who a large proportion are drug addicts/mentally unstable may have something to do with it.

6. Neil blames looking after your mother need when they are older as being the cause of certain peoples’ relationship tensions. I disagree, looking after your mother when she is older is one of the great privileges of being a man. We would hope our children would do the same for our wives when we get old. Of course, this should not be at the expense of the relationship with your dependent family, but I found the idea put forward by Neil a little distasteful.

7. Sex is part of intimacy/developing deep relations with a female one has chosen. What he does by sleeping and dumping women, is hurting them, and ultimately hurting himself. Sex is not the ultimate goal of a relationship, it is a benefit of having a strong emotional connection with a female human being.

8. You don’t need to stick your finger in the electric socket to know it is dangerous. You don’t go around “trying” every relationship model to see if you like it, it could ultimately be deadly for your health/spirit. I am sorry to say, but I think Neil’s experiences have damaged him so much, I fear more than being a prisoner in a concentration camp. A concentration camp, one can blame his captors. Neil’s is his own prison guard.

I did enjoy the book, but I was able to intellectually combat, many of Neil’s idea. At times, it became difficult to listen to the book for the amount of sex Neil was having. Neil is an excellent writer, with strong memorable writing, entertaining, and comedic at times. I have also read/listened the Game, and will listen to another book he has done. I am sort of glad that someone like Neil has explored this, and it has thankfully increased my dislike of this lifestyle.

All in all, if you are not offended by graphic writing about sex, if you are like Bill who wants to glance at the dark side of sleeping with many women, than this book may give Bill and others, a deeper appreciation for who they are.

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  • K
  • 11-28-18

A bit self-indulgent

It might be honest but it’s one man’s journey, not the truth by my life experience or anyone’s I know.

A deeply uncomfortable listen for me as it was so self-absorbed and the epiphanies didn’t translate as believable.

I think some of the believability was shaky because there seemed to be some inconsistency in the retelling of the time with Veronica, Belle and Anne. (Name spellings?)

I also found the retelling a bit far-fetched as it was rooms full of impeccably beautiful, perfect-figured women throwing themselves at men. Where are the normal women with cellulite and fat calves and bad hair days?


And finally, what happened to chapter 40? Quick gloss over the end of the poly relationship, the new set-up, the attempted murder etc. So much detail in some things but virtually nothing on this.

Even the turnaround and trauma work at the end was a bit glossed over and the change seemed sudden and hard to comprehend.

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  • Amazon Customer
  • 05-26-21

Self indulgent BS

What did I just listen to? Shame on me for not looking the book up first because this was just a steaming pile of manure.

1 person found this helpful

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  • rikki
  • 07-27-19

one mixed up dude

ok I think Neil Strauss is a great writer, I love his style from previous books, this one was his mixed up journey to find relationship happiness/bliss . It is not a how to book. He was very personal and totally open, not sure his wife would want to be with him if she read all the weird shit he did when they split up. Basically you need to be happy with yourself before you commit to a relationship or you will probably mess it up ..sums it up. still a great book if you like Neils style of writing.

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  • James
  • 03-31-16

Powerful

Neil taught me a lot about picking up women in my twenties. The tactics worked very well. These techniques allowed me to successfully 'open' and court my now wife. Like Neil, probably most people, our intimacy/love issues, likely result of childhood trauma have led to a very rocky marriage. Now I'm my thirties, married, I think the knowledge and Wisdom and 'The Truth' will be more effective on a deeper level for my personal development than 'The Game' was. Thanks again Neil!

3 people found this helpful

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  • Connie
  • 03-26-16

AMAZING

I'm so so pleased Neil has written this book. I wrote my thesis on polyamory and made a film about monogamy and was thinking of writing a book, but I feel Neil has done it for me. THANK YOU. I urge everyone to read this.

1 person found this helpful

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  • NN
  • 03-22-16

Unexpectedly rich and thought-provoking

I rarely review books, but this proved to be an exceptionally provocative piece - an enthralling, insightful and emotional roller coaster, both intimate and candid.

Strauss' journey from pickup artist, through a spectrum of relationship styles, towards intimacy (and where this finally takes him) is gripping from the get-go, and I found myself plugging in to hear more of the story at every opportunity.

The fact that it's narrated by the author lends it even greater warmth, and there are psychological insights that I can imagine would prove useful for any reader/listener.

If you're curious about relationships, sexuality and identity in any way, then this is for you.

1 person found this helpful

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  • James
  • 11-11-15

Surprisingly powerful

This is the first review I have done. I bought this after enjoying the game. Whilst expecting an exciting narrative, I was floored by the honesty of the author and his journey. It is equal parts entertaining, titillating and awesome in scale(relatively!) The truth will change your life.

2 people found this helpful

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  • Anonymous User
  • 10-25-21

Brilliant!

Loved it!
Same as "The Game" this is yet another eye opening book by Neil Strauss. I would definitely recommend it to both men and women.

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  • Kindle Customer
  • 06-26-21

This book felt very Raw and Genuine -

Loved the book Neil! Great job and so well written and constructed. The narrative of the quest really lends itself to the story. Am checking out the tools and resources around trauma healing you mentioned on your website today!