• Trauma Bonding: Understanding and Overcoming the Trauma Bond in a Narcissistic Relationship

  • Narcissistic Relationship Recovery, Book 1
  • By: Lauren Kozlowski
  • Narrated by: Stephanie Murphy
  • Length: 1 hr and 37 mins
  • 4.8 out of 5 stars (364 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

"If your relationship is so bad, why don't you just leave them?"

"If you were in such an abusive relationship, why did you stay with them for so long?"

"If you knew you were in a relationship with such a toxic person, why didn't you ask people for help?"

If you've ever been asked these questions, aside from being ignorant and hurtful, you'll know it's beyond frustrating. The answer to the above questions, whilst it's complex and often confusing, can be given with two words: trauma bonded. If you find you're in a relationship that you know is so toxic that it's crushing your very being, but you can't bring yourself to leave, you may be in the clutches of a tight trauma bond. 

If you're constantly feeling on edge, forever working to appease your spouse to little avail and feel like you're constantly being chipped away at with their abusive behavior, then I can understand how emotionally shattering it feels to live this way. 

If, in the same breath, it breaks your heart to even consider leaving them because you can't imagine life without them, then I can understand that feeling too - because I was trauma bonded to my abusive ex. 

From my own personal experience and from the experiences other survivors have opened up to me about, this book will cover the following: 

  • What trauma bonding really is 
  • The seven stages that lead to you becoming trauma bonded 
  • The parallels that Stockholm syndrome has with trauma bonding 
  • The five stages you go through when you come to accept you're trauma bonded - the cognitive dissonance a trauma bond can cause 
  • Breaking free from the traumatic bond 

This book will also include my own experiences and I'll draw upon those to help you really understand trauma bonding, and let you know that you're not alone in being shackled by this emotionally crippling bond. More importantly, this book will help you understand that the invisible chain that tethers you to your abuser can be broken.

©2020 Escape The Narcissist (P)2020 Escape The Narcissist

What listeners say about Trauma Bonding: Understanding and Overcoming the Trauma Bond in a Narcissistic Relationship

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Not relevant for everyone dealing with trauma bonding

I found this book to be a narrow minded perspective of one person’s view of trauma bonding. While some points can indeed be helpful, it was far too specific and exclusionary to be sold off as a book written about simply trauma bonding, as the title implies. It should more accurately be depicted as one woman’s story of enduring and escaping an abusive relationship, rather than an overall big-picture look at trauma bonding. I couldn’t wait to finish it, and I was reluctant to leave it unfinished, in case something helpful emerged. I felt like I was reading a diary of the author’s personal experience, with far too much detail given to the traumatic experiences she endured to drive her to learning about trauma bonding, with a significant amount of blame placed on her abuser/ex/the narc. Not a helpful read overall, unless your main goal is to complain and place blame, cut off the person entirely,

12 people found this helpful

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Wished there was more takeaway

The info was great. The content that is in here was helpful for a start. I just wish there was more to it. I kept going back through to see if I was missing something. I didn't feel like there was enough to help give courage to go to the next step.

5 people found this helpful

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A Must Read

This was very helpful for me as I am in the beginning stages of leaving my abuser. I've been really struggling feeling like everything I was feeling was just "crazy" and that I was "overreacting" but this book has offered me some validation to what I've been feeling. I highly recommend this to anyone who is struggling with the idea of leaving a relationship full of emotional and/or physical/sexual abuse. You are not alone.

5 people found this helpful

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Enlightening

I learned so much from this book. It's been a year since I left my abuser and I was struggling with the aftermath of the relationship. I tried getting help from different sources, but this author really just described everything that went on and it was extremely helpful and relieving. I also loved the helpful tips to remember on the path to recovering from a narcissistic abuser and affirmations. Excited to listen to the second book. I really recommend this to others who have been struggling with the emotional conflict you feel storming inside of you.

3 people found this helpful

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Understanding a Trauma Bond Survivor

I decided to listen to this audio book to help a friend of mine who I spent the last several months trying to get through and past her Trauma Bond before her relationship went beyond help. Also to avoid more damage being done to her mentally, financially and even physically.

I have a hard time staying focused reading books, being read to while I do my daily tasks felt so great, this was my 1st audio book.

I’d recommend this book to anyone I felt needed some knowledge during a toxic relationship, in hopes that by listening, it could help in some way.

What I liked most about this audio book is that the author spoke from personal experience with examples and scientific facts.
5 stars all around.

3 people found this helpful

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I love it 💘❤

It brought me back memories of when I was with the Narc. I can just picture myself beging his validation attention affection. His breadcrumbs like if I was a lab rat. I am so glad I am out January 14, 2021 is going to be a year i decided to leave. I did when back one final time only for him his ultimate betral to take me court and try to take my son. Is so hard to do no contact since we have a son. I am strong I am getting their I am just discovering it day by day my worth my strengt and my deserving love to myself. We got this ladies.

2 people found this helpful

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“It often takes 7x to leave a toxic ex..”

Very thought provoking and eye opening to the patterns and cycles of trauma bonding and narcissism in love relationships. Especially interesting was the point made that victims of narc abuse typically find themselves in denial about it, and want to protect the abuser, go to great lengths to defend them, when actually this is a clear symptom of the mental and emotional abuse that has been endured, and often reveals a chemical imbalance and obsessive unproductive thoughts that a victim falls prey to. I was amazed at the toxic patterns that were clarified. I really appreciate the audio book, it’s not long to get through and drops very helpful gems of advice that I can write down for further reference as I work to heal my own journey. I will probably listen to this audio book a few more times before I am completely healed and moved on. Even if your situation isn’t as severe as some of the stories mentioned, this book offers useful tools to help you avoid the red flags of a narcissist, and build healthy non-toxic relationships moving forward.

2 people found this helpful

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That’s it?

I can’t believe I wasted a whole credit on this. I was expecting soooo much more.

1 person found this helpful

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I couldn't relate or get into it

I wanna return it I couldn't find myself to relate or get into it........... hey hey hey hey hey hey

1 person found this helpful

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my life

I related a lot, it's nice to know there's others out there struggling like me

1 person found this helpful

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  • rohit kohli
  • 07-29-22

a very good read

for someone who has just walked away from a narcissist this book really helped me understand my true feelings towards the narc and how to deal with the intense trauma bond i am in midst off. thank you.

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  • Mark H
  • 06-09-20

Interesting introduction, if a little lightweight

Overall I liked it and found it quite useful, as I was certainly trauma bonded last year. The book was over quite quickly and didn't go into much depth though.

That said, there was a good "take away" for me: drawing and labelling my own Trauma Bond cycle. It helped me think about the repeated pattern in my relationship, that just went round and round in a self-perpetuating, self-feeding circle.

The Trauma Bond cycle helped me discover my objective truth. I was following a routine, a pattern I had not noticed before listening to this audio book. So, thank you. 👍

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  • Christian
  • 07-18-22

Great but short

Great information and well narrated but I didn’t realise when I purchased it how short it is

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  • Maria
  • 02-08-22

I'd recommend it !

Loved it !
Was recommended to me. The narrative was excellent. Learned a lot. Thank you !

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  • Anonymous User
  • 01-02-22

Definitely helpful

This was exactly what I’ve been needing to hear…..
It’s been over a year and I’m still struggling to get over it. Hoping this will help.
I consider myself to be smart and strong, and have never put up with poor treatment from anyone. This really had me stumped as to why he’s had such an effect on me…..considering I’ve never been treated so badly in any relationship. Now I know why.
I’ll be cutting contact completely. Wish me luck

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  • Anonymous User
  • 10-16-21

Wow

First time in 20 years I’ve felt like I’m not alone! Explains my life completely. Blown away and relieved there is hope for me to break the cycle. Thank you.