A punishingly realistic account of a family"s dreams and sorrows

I do not recommend this to a caregiver in a family. The brutality of the day to day suffering is almost unbearable. The rest of us can be grateful this isn't our fate....yet. It was so easy to feel superior as each made what seemed obvious bad decisions as they dealt with the emptiness within. The cover art of houses comes clear as the story progresses. That feeling that a new, better place is the answer to what ails you. That the problems are outside and so are the remedies. But trying to dismiss the mother as a self-centered, wrong-headed person was impossible once I was shown the condition of her feet. Would I have been as hard-working and determined given the same circumstances? Mare Winningham has just the right amount of steel beneath that soft, crisp voice of hers. A wonderful match for these flawed characters. Not a "happy" read/listen but there is truth in it.

6 people found this helpful

Perfect in every way

My mom has Alzheimer's and this book deceived so well the feelings and emotions. But this book is so much more than a story involving a character who develops Alzheimer's. It a story of deep, abiding and respectful love; dreams; disappointments. I loved this book so much. The narrator is fitting. Her voice gives Eileen a smoky quality that adds to the story.

12 people found this helpful

Profound Narrative of FantisizingTragedy, Regret

In this narrative story, there is no great mystery to resolve, no thrilling moments of climax. If these are things you need in a story, don't select this one. However, if you enjoy life stories and how the characters in these stories chart the direction of their lives, this is one you won't want to miss. Matthew Thomas has written a really good novel.

This is a narrative (well performed by Mare Winningham) about a girl who works hard, has many life challenges and fantasizes about her future. As a woman, she cannot seem to stop the fantasizing about what might be in order to enjoy her present life. She is perpetually seeking perfection, or more, or different than she has in the moment; from her husband, son, neighbors, employers, friends. Eileen Leary cannot just live for the moment, enjoy the moment, and relish what is present instead of wishing for what might be. In the end, she has regrets. Many, many regrets. In the end, these things shape the future life of her son.

Thomas' writing exposes us to how this obsession with "what might be" can shape lives and outlooks on life. Perhaps it is a life lesson neatly presented to us as "We Are Not Ourselves."

19 people found this helpful

Beyond Depressing

This book was absurdly depressing. The first half was a little on the sad side, but manageable and then - WHAM - the second half makes you slog through the most depressing book ever. This title should come with a warning!!!!

Granted, it's fabulous writing, but for me it wasn't worth it!!!

25 people found this helpful

A very enjoyable book.

What made the experience of listening to We Are Not Ourselves the most enjoyable?

The wonderful writing.

What did you like best about this story?

The author's writing, The language the writer used to weave the story was unbelievably beautiful and touching. Even the most mundane activity was described in a fascinating way.

Have you listened to any of Mare Winningham’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

No, but her melodic performance brought out the writing in a beautiful way.

If you were to make a film of this book, what would the tag line be?

Our story will help you find who we should be, just as it did for us.

Any additional comments?

I can't wait to read another book by Matthew Thomas.

10 people found this helpful

Outstanding Novel about a difficult subject

If you could sum up We Are Not Ourselves in three words, what would they be?

empathy, sadness, reality

Who was your favorite character and why?

Eileen, because she was the energy of the three generations. She was the glue that connected her father to herself and to her son to become a teacher whhile managing a 51 year with Alzheimer's disease.

Have you listened to any of Mare Winningham’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

First one.

Was there a moment in the book that particularly moved you?

Ed's letter written to his son when he first learned about the disease not to be given to him until after his death.

Any additional comments?

The book was very good, but for me would have been just as effective without the sexual references. We all know about those and don't need the distraction. It is the only thing that might keep this book from being a Pulitzer.

18 people found this helpful

LIFE IN FULL

“We Are Not Ourselves” is about life in full; i.e. not just coming of age, adulthood, or death but the complete cycle of life. Its author, Matthew Thomas, is in his thirties when the book is published. He said it took him ten years to write it. It is a story of the baby boom generation, a generation from which Thomas is product more than participant. In spite of a generational difference, Thomas gets the story right; i.e. those of the baby boom generation will see themselves in Thomas’s novel.

Though the book is written by a man, the cycle of life is revealed by the character of a woman. The primary teller of the tale is Eileen Tumulty (narrated by Mare Winningham), the main character. Only in the last chapter, do we hear from an alter-ego of the author. It is the son of Eileen who becomes a teacher; a teacher of literature in his mid-thirties.

“We Are Not Ourselves” because life happens; i.e. parents are not perfect, children grow into their own adulthood, lives end, and life goes on. We are many selves created by the exigencies of life.

4 people found this helpful

i never wanted it to end

If you could sum up We Are Not Ourselves in three words, what would they be?

very thought provoking

Who was your favorite character and why?

Eileen. Her strength in all situations, having to grow up so quickly, her work ethic, her perseverance.

Have you listened to any of Mare Winningham’s other performances before? How does this one compare?

Not that I can rememember.

Who was the most memorable character of We Are Not Ourselves and why?

Ed...his descent into losing his memory.

Any additional comments?

I have listened and read so very many books in this last year and I cant remember one that has stayed with me as long as this one has.

(Spoiler alert)The topic of Alzheimers is interesting to me as I am aging, and those around me are dealing with it within their families. But, it wasn't just that. It was the family dynamic between the main character Eileen, her husband Ed, and her son Collen(spelling?).

This book is so well written. As you enter the world of each character through the author's telling, and then hear about it, in the same way through another characters interpretation of the same- you realize, or at least remember, how different everyone's experience is in a family.

We are Not Ourselves follows the life of a woman and man, through their ups and downs, and their disappointments with each other. They have a boy, and they extend those circumstances as we all do in the raising of this child.

Before the characters in the story do, we begin to realize that something is wrong with Ed, and, well...that it is his mind--this most cherished part of his intellectual life.

What follows is such in incredible narrative of his descent, and the effect it has on all who surround him.

8 people found this helpful

Depressing

This is just the most depressing book I have ever read. There is not a single positive moment in the entire story. I kept listening thinking that it has to get better and it just deteriorated more. The only reason for a rating is that the language is excellent, it is well written but don’t look for any inspiration, this will leave you miserable on every page

1 person found this helpful

Somber, Poignant Novel on Timely Topic

An elegiac novel to a committed wife/mother whose husband suffers early onset Alzheimer's. I could relate to her pain and loneliness as all the past and passion slowly slipped away and found particularly poignant her coping with the loss of her dreams of a dashing, successful professor husband with a beautiful home in the perfect suburb.

A pure work of artistry in development of the characters of the wife, the husband and their son. My one complaint: it is a bit slow.

5 people found this helpful