• Where to Draw the Line

  • How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Day
  • By: Anne Katherine MA
  • Narrated by: Donna Postel
  • Length: 8 hrs and 4 mins
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars (161 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

In the perennial favorite Boundaries, Anne Katherine introduced the concept and importance of personal limits. In Where to Draw the Line, she takes the next step with a practical guide to establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries in a wide range of situations. With every encounter, we either demonstrate that we'll protect what we value, or that we'll give ourselves away. Healthy boundaries preserve our integrity. Unlike defenses, which isolate us from our true selves and from those we love, boundaries filter out harm.

This audiobook provides the tools and insights needed to create boundaries, which will free time and energy for the things that matter - and helps break down limiting defenses that stunt personal growth. Focusing on every facet of daily life - from friendships and sexual relationships to dress and appearance to money, food, and psychotherapy - Katherine presents case studies highlighting the ways in which individuals violate their own boundaries or let other people breach them. Using real-life examples, from self-sacrificing mothers to obsessive neat freaks, she offers specific advice on making choices that balance one's own needs with the needs of others.

©2000 Anne Katherine, MA (P)2018 Tantor

What listeners say about Where to Draw the Line

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    4 out of 5 stars
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    4 out of 5 stars

Good book mostly but breaks an important boundary

Title aside, this is a very helpful book and well written. The author puts thought into describing various boundaries, gives interesting examples of people breaking them, and helps prepare alternate responses.

However. Late in the book there is a chapter on religious boundaries. I found this book looking for “secular boundaries” after subjecting myself to a most overtly Christian boundary book. In this one, the author leaps into how religion crosses many boundaries (which I agree with), and how god has most certainly intended for those boundaries to remain intact. As the author would say, “Can you spot the boundary violation?”

By assuming the listener believes god exists and continuing with that assumption with great enthusiasm, the author violates my boundary of free religious belief. I was very surprised and after giving her half of the chapter to recover finally skipped the rest of the chapter. I do not appreciate being spoken to as though there is but one answer, especially given the book’s therapy tone.

That said, I do overall recommend this book.

27 people found this helpful

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Would be great for some people.

This book delved into many areas deeply, such as sex, that were of no matter to me. There were other areas, such as managing manipulative in-laws and step-children, where I was really seeking much more guidance

11 people found this helpful

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Must read for the “super nice” people

As a Christian, often we try to be kind and nice and do not know how to put a hedge of protection around ourselves. This book teaches how to draw safe boundaries in all circumstances. I have been emotionally abused since my youth and have been violated in many ways, emotionally and physically. Now in my forties, I realize that I never learned how to create safe boundaries until reading this book. Thank you.

7 people found this helpful

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Not helpful for me. More theory than action

Most of this book is filled with long, dialogue-based examples of boundary-breaking interactions, and then analyses each of them, and explain why they are boundary violations. A small percentage of the book actually provides actionable, immediate and simple tools to start building boundaries.

The cumulative effective of this book, therefore, is a deeper understanding of boundaries and the contexts where they happen, which is helpful, but it still does not enable you to effectively handle your next 5, 10 or 20 boundary violation situations. In such situations, you may analyze them in the aftermath and then realize, hey, that was a boundary violation just like the book explained. You are maybe better at analysis in such a manner, but no better at being able to immediately recognize and quickly fend of boundary violations. This book simply does not focus on such tools.

So, if theory and deeper context and some motivation is what you'd like, this book is for you.

However, if what you want are immediately effectively toolbox of particular phrases, say, to memorize and use, and other immediately actionable tips, this book doesn't really have them. Or, if it does, the tools get lost under the sea of theory and analysis.

3 people found this helpful

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Decent book, Very opinionated author

This book touches on a lot of really important topics regarding boundaries and is well done. The thing I did not like about this book is how opinionated the author is about certain subjects in which I do not believe she is correct about. Some of her views are very old-fashioned and outdated, thus inaccurate. A little too biased for me.

2 people found this helpful

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a MUST READ for all humans

this book changed my life. especially all the examples of boundary violations and example responses to boundary violations.

1 person found this helpful

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Great Book

A friend suggested this book and I am honestly impressed. The author gives so many examples for ways to build healthy boundaries in many areas of life. I will suggest this book to clients dealing with boundary issues.

1 person found this helpful

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Boring

The points are spread all over hard to keep up with her ,
I tried twice , sorry not interesting

1 person found this helpful

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Great Book, NOT a fan of the narrator.

Great Book and very plainly written and easy to understand. I will listen to it again.

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  • DD
  • 08-05-22

Informative

Helpful in recognizing boundaries and their violations. good examples
would have liked more examples of how to set boundaries.

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    5 out of 5 stars
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  • Dusty
  • 06-11-20

An eye opener

I enjoyed this book. It was really helpful and interesting. The narrator was great too

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  • Simon
  • 02-14-20

ok for starters

This would be good for someone codependent. The last two hours are very good. The topics involving religious fundamentalism and understanding empathy were good.A bit Americanised for me in places. i would recommend learning assertiveness as a concentrated subject along side it.

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  • Brian Mc
  • 05-26-19

Superb

This is an excellent book - very clear and well detailed. Most of the examples are excellent and a really useful variety of contexts are covered. It’s a book I will be recommending to Supervisees and clients, especially couple clients. I enjoyed how the book was read also.

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  • Ben Rees
  • 03-25-19

Biased.

Seems unhelpfully biased to a female perspective. It most likely is helpful for women but misses the point of empathy for both parties.

1 person found this helpful

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  • Louis A Kanu
  • 06-19-22

Very informative piece. Very recommended

The story can do with a broader racial & cultural perspective. Great nonetheless 👌

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  • Cherie
  • 01-12-22

Life changing

I have listened to this book 4 times. I get so much out of it every time. The real life examples are so helpful. It really has changed my life and quality of relationships

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  • Jacqui Daniels-Gillen
  • 03-01-19

some good ideas

I liked it but just personally found the narrator's voice annoying. I am sure others might not but I couldn't help but be distracted by it. For me when the narration is good you don't even think about it. The worked examples are good but I am not sure they weren't just focussed on a very limited group of people. It was good however to have different chapters for different types of boundary setting.

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  • Anonymous User
  • 02-12-19

Good for a start

This was a good piece but jumped a bit to various topics. Good for a starter though.

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  • Ange Roche
  • 11-15-18

fantastic

loved this book. eye opening and grounding with practical advise for every relationship in your life