• You Don't Look Adopted

  • By: Anne Heffron
  • Narrated by: Anne Heffron
  • Length: 5 hrs and 55 mins
  • 4.5 out of 5 stars (58 ratings)

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Publisher's Summary

Can writing your story save your life?
 

I should have come with a manual. My parents thought they were getting one thing when they adopted me - a baby of their own - when what they got was a human being with a story of her own.
 

As a child, I traded safety for silence.
 

As an adult, I had no idea who I was, why I quit nearly everything I started, why I struggled with things that came more easily to my friends (jobs, relationships, finances, self-esteem), why I seemed hell-bent on throwing myself away.
 

It got to the point where I didn’t care if telling my story was going to kill me: I was going to find a way to tell it, because living a life that felt like a lie was unbearable.
 

In order to write this book, I moved away from everything I knew, maxed out my credit cards, borrowed from friends and family, had lots of sex with strangers. Nearly penniless, I was living like a millionaire in the apartment of a fabulously famous writer. I was finally listening to my own voice. I ate cheesecake for dinner and fell in love with the East Village. I broke almost every rule I ran into because I was afraid this kind of freedom couldn’t go on forever. As I wrote, I lived every day as if it were my last.

I was in for such a surprise.

©2018 Anne Heffron (P)2019 Anne Heffron

What listeners say about You Don't Look Adopted

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Courageous and raw

I too am an adoptee of the closed records era. The secrecy and shame embedded in us from the time of conception has lifelong consequences. Only nobody talks about it. Not our parents. Not our siblings. Not our neighbors. Not our teachers. But it’s always there, sometimes screaming from the rooftops and other times in the silent complacency. Anne’s raw and honest look at her life “talks about it” giving a voice to so many adoptees who, like myself, thought i was the only one confused about life.

6 people found this helpful

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Anne Heffron has found her voice. Hear her.

Just today a birth mother told me her long lost daughter brought her to tears by saying she "felt like an air fern," rootless, suspended.

Anne Heffron gives voice not just to herself but to millions of rootless children, adoptees, orphans and foster kids alike. These lost children are all growing old in a suspended state, fumbling frantically to grasp an identity that seems grounded and true.

Ms. Heffron manages to hold her biological mother and father as well as her adopted mom and dad in a space of compassion, while remaining true to herself, the lost foundling. For an adoptee, this is the most difficult place, profoundly traumatized but refusing to blame a villain or play the victim. She speaks her truth. She is entitled to be heard.

3 people found this helpful

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Inspiring and raw

Anne tells her story and shares her inner-most thoughts and feelings so profoundly. I learned a lot listening to this book and it gave me much to think about in understanding how an adopted person can truly feel; things I'd never considered before. It clearly took courage to tell her story with such authenticity and candor. Thanks for sharing your story, Anne. I believe it will help others in similar circumstances. Nice work!

3 people found this helpful

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An adoption story of both beauty and suffering

Anne Hefron’s words and descriptions of what it feels like to be adopted is the closest depiction I’ve ever had the pleasure of both reading, and now listening to on Audible. I can’t thank the author enough for giving life to her story and sharing it with us all. Adopted or not, this honest account of the search for self is real and heartbreakingly beautiful. I loved hearing Anne narrate her own story.

3 people found this helpful

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Anne Heffron I'm your biggest fan!

I listened to this book because it puts me to sleep.Seriously though, buy this audiobook. I've listened to it start to finish, skipped around. Haven't tried backwards yet. For the first time in my life, I heard someone who spoke like me. Thought like me. Understands like me. Has my level of pain. Her words are spoken smoothly. Rhythmically. It became a comforting experience after about 6 5 listens. She tells the story of her experience being an adopted person. She doesn't hold back. I would buy this 100+ to infinity times. Anne is my teacher. I'm bias, I'm an adopted person, too. And, I'm also an expert. Great stuff!

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The Adoptee Voice MUST be heard

Ms Heffron reads her writing masterfully and with emotional depth. This book is the pinnacle of truth of the adoptee's lived experience. A must read for all human beings to gain insight and to better understand adoptees with compassion

1 person found this helpful

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5 hours I will never get back.

I too am from a closed adoption. I too have struggled with the lack of understanding others have about me and what it means to be adopted. But I never fucked around with married men in parking lots to try to feel better about myself. We get it Anne, you are not responsible for anything because you are adopted. Any valid points made about being adopted are lost in Anne’s Eyore-esque droning voice about how she makes one stupid choice after another because she is adopted. Too pretentious, privileged and indulgent, especially near then end where

4 people found this helpful

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Validation, finally

Thank you for this book. I finally feel validated and am comforted with the knowledge that I’m not the only one who feels this way. I recognized myself in many of the passages.

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Listening made me angry

As an adoptee, I've read a fair share of books over the years. I found Anne pegged every unpleasant thought and experience in her life on being adopted. Her story became predicable and frustrated the daylights out of me.

Instead of living in the present, she spent decades mourning, moping and complaining about the past. I was exhausted.

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From another Adoptee

Narration was very monotone and depressing. The story was her story... No dismissing that for sure. Hoping it was therapeutic and healing for the author! A couple of things definitely resonated!

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  • Grace A.
  • 01-22-20

Amazingly written and honest book

Thank you Anne for sharing your story. As a fellow adult adoptee, I came across your book whilst on my journey of adoption trying to figure myself out and understand how adoption has impacted my life and will likely to always impact my life. Such a powerful, honest and thought provoking book, I recommend this to anybody, especially us adoptees, Thankyou 💖

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  • Rebecca C.
  • 11-26-19

Been waiting for something like this

My whole life I told myself and others I had no issue being adopted until a year ago (36 years old) and since then I have slowly allowed myself to see the truth. Your book has confirmed this. I don’t feel alone. Thankyou