-
You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News
- Shocking but Utterly True Facts
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 6 hrs and 12 mins
- Unabridged Audiobook
- Categories: Literature & Fiction, Humor & Satire
Add to Cart failed.
Add to Wish List failed.
Remove from wishlist failed.
Adding to library failed
Follow podcast failed
Unfollow podcast failed
Buy for $27.99
No default payment method selected.
We are sorry. We are not allowed to sell this product with the selected payment method
Listeners also enjoyed...
-
The Skeptics' Guide to the Universe
- How to Know What's Really Real in a World Increasingly Full of Fake
- By: Steven Novella, Bob Novella - contributor, Cara Santa Maria - contributor, and others
- Narrated by: Steven Novella
- Length: 15 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The Skeptics' Guide to the Universe is your map through this maze of modern life. Here Dr. Steven Novella and friends will explain the tenets of skeptical thinking and debunk some of the biggest scientific myths, fallacies, and conspiracy theories - from anti-vaccines to homeopathy, UFO sightings to N-rays. You'll learn the difference between science and pseudoscience, essential critical thinking skills, ways to discuss conspiracy theories with that crazy co-worker of yours, and how to combat sloppy reasoning, bad arguments, and superstitious thinking.
-
-
Buyer Beware
- By Dawn M. Davidson on 01-16-20
By: Steven Novella, and others
-
The Dorito Effect
- The Surprising New Truth About Food and Flavor
- By: Mark Schatzker
- Narrated by: Chris Patton
- Length: 8 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In The Dorito Effect, Mark Schatzker shows us how our approach to the nation's number-one public health crisis has gotten it wrong. The epidemics of obesity, heart disease, and diabetes are not tied to the overabundance of fat or carbs. Instead we have been led astray by the growing divide between flavor - the tastes we crave - and the underlying nutrition.
-
-
Thought Provoking
- By Skia Laurence on 10-08-15
By: Mark Schatzker
-
And Then You're Dead
- What Really Happens If You Get Swallowed by a Whale, Are Shot from a Cannon, or Go Barreling over Niagara
- By: Cody Cassidy, Paul Doherty
- Narrated by: Dennis Boutsikaris
- Length: 4 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A gleefully gruesome look at the actual science behind the most outlandish, cartoonish, and impossible deaths you can imagine. What would happen if you took a swim outside a deep-sea submarine wearing only a swimsuit? How long could you last if you stood on the surface of the sun? How far could you actually get in digging a hole to China? Paul Doherty, senior staff scientist at San Francisco's famed Exploratorium Museum, and writer Cody Cassidy explore the real science behind these and other fantastical scenarios.
-
-
perfect for a precocious 9 year old boy
- By Kerith Strano Taylor on 05-15-17
By: Cody Cassidy, and others
-
An Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth
- What Going to Space Taught Me About Ingenuity, Determination, and Being Prepared for Anything
- By: Chris Hadfield
- Narrated by: Chris Hadfield
- Length: 8 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Colonel Chris Hadfield has spent decades training as an astronaut and has logged nearly 4000 hours in space. During this time he has broken into a Space Station with a Swiss army knife, disposed of a live snake while piloting a plane, and been temporarily blinded while clinging to the exterior of an orbiting spacecraft. The secret to Col. Hadfield's success - and survival - is an unconventional philosophy he learned at NASA: prepare for the worst and enjoy every moment of it.
-
-
Chris Hadfield Is The Real Thing!
- By Kathy in CA on 08-16-16
By: Chris Hadfield
-
How to Fight Presidents
- Defending Yourself Against the Badasses Who Ran This Country
- By: Daniel O'Brien
- Narrated by: Richard McGonagle
- Length: 5 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As a prisoner of war, Andrew Jackson walked several miles barefoot across state lines while suffering from smallpox and a serious head wound received when he refused to polish the boots of the soldiers who had taken him captive. He was thirteen years old. A few decades later, he became the first popularly elected president and served the nation, pausing briefly only to beat a would-be assassin with a cane to within an inch of his life.
-
-
Absolutely One of the Funniest Books on Audible.
- By Josh on 03-24-14
By: Daniel O'Brien
-
Reality Is Broken
- Why Games Make Us Better and How They Can Change the World
- By: Jane McGonigal
- Narrated by: Julia Whelan
- Length: 13 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In today’s society, games are fulfilling real human needs in ways that reality is not. Hundreds of millions of people globally - 174 million in the United States alone - regularly inhabit game worlds because they provide the rewards, stimulating challenges and epic victories that are so often lacking in the real world. Jane McGonigal argues that we need to figure out how to make the real world—our homes, our businesses and our communities—engage us in the way that games do.
-
-
Starry-eyed but inspiring
- By Ryan on 03-07-12
By: Jane McGonigal
-
The Skeptics' Guide to the Universe
- How to Know What's Really Real in a World Increasingly Full of Fake
- By: Steven Novella, Bob Novella - contributor, Cara Santa Maria - contributor, and others
- Narrated by: Steven Novella
- Length: 15 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The Skeptics' Guide to the Universe is your map through this maze of modern life. Here Dr. Steven Novella and friends will explain the tenets of skeptical thinking and debunk some of the biggest scientific myths, fallacies, and conspiracy theories - from anti-vaccines to homeopathy, UFO sightings to N-rays. You'll learn the difference between science and pseudoscience, essential critical thinking skills, ways to discuss conspiracy theories with that crazy co-worker of yours, and how to combat sloppy reasoning, bad arguments, and superstitious thinking.
-
-
Buyer Beware
- By Dawn M. Davidson on 01-16-20
By: Steven Novella, and others
-
The Dorito Effect
- The Surprising New Truth About Food and Flavor
- By: Mark Schatzker
- Narrated by: Chris Patton
- Length: 8 hrs and 17 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In The Dorito Effect, Mark Schatzker shows us how our approach to the nation's number-one public health crisis has gotten it wrong. The epidemics of obesity, heart disease, and diabetes are not tied to the overabundance of fat or carbs. Instead we have been led astray by the growing divide between flavor - the tastes we crave - and the underlying nutrition.
-
-
Thought Provoking
- By Skia Laurence on 10-08-15
By: Mark Schatzker
-
And Then You're Dead
- What Really Happens If You Get Swallowed by a Whale, Are Shot from a Cannon, or Go Barreling over Niagara
- By: Cody Cassidy, Paul Doherty
- Narrated by: Dennis Boutsikaris
- Length: 4 hrs and 59 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
A gleefully gruesome look at the actual science behind the most outlandish, cartoonish, and impossible deaths you can imagine. What would happen if you took a swim outside a deep-sea submarine wearing only a swimsuit? How long could you last if you stood on the surface of the sun? How far could you actually get in digging a hole to China? Paul Doherty, senior staff scientist at San Francisco's famed Exploratorium Museum, and writer Cody Cassidy explore the real science behind these and other fantastical scenarios.
-
-
perfect for a precocious 9 year old boy
- By Kerith Strano Taylor on 05-15-17
By: Cody Cassidy, and others
-
An Astronaut's Guide to Life on Earth
- What Going to Space Taught Me About Ingenuity, Determination, and Being Prepared for Anything
- By: Chris Hadfield
- Narrated by: Chris Hadfield
- Length: 8 hrs and 45 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Colonel Chris Hadfield has spent decades training as an astronaut and has logged nearly 4000 hours in space. During this time he has broken into a Space Station with a Swiss army knife, disposed of a live snake while piloting a plane, and been temporarily blinded while clinging to the exterior of an orbiting spacecraft. The secret to Col. Hadfield's success - and survival - is an unconventional philosophy he learned at NASA: prepare for the worst and enjoy every moment of it.
-
-
Chris Hadfield Is The Real Thing!
- By Kathy in CA on 08-16-16
By: Chris Hadfield
-
How to Fight Presidents
- Defending Yourself Against the Badasses Who Ran This Country
- By: Daniel O'Brien
- Narrated by: Richard McGonagle
- Length: 5 hrs and 58 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
As a prisoner of war, Andrew Jackson walked several miles barefoot across state lines while suffering from smallpox and a serious head wound received when he refused to polish the boots of the soldiers who had taken him captive. He was thirteen years old. A few decades later, he became the first popularly elected president and served the nation, pausing briefly only to beat a would-be assassin with a cane to within an inch of his life.
-
-
Absolutely One of the Funniest Books on Audible.
- By Josh on 03-24-14
By: Daniel O'Brien
-
Reality Is Broken
- Why Games Make Us Better and How They Can Change the World
- By: Jane McGonigal
- Narrated by: Julia Whelan
- Length: 13 hrs and 23 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In today’s society, games are fulfilling real human needs in ways that reality is not. Hundreds of millions of people globally - 174 million in the United States alone - regularly inhabit game worlds because they provide the rewards, stimulating challenges and epic victories that are so often lacking in the real world. Jane McGonigal argues that we need to figure out how to make the real world—our homes, our businesses and our communities—engage us in the way that games do.
-
-
Starry-eyed but inspiring
- By Ryan on 03-07-12
By: Jane McGonigal
-
Mind = Blown
- Amazing Facts About This Weird, Hilarious, Insane World
- By: Matthew Santoro
- Narrated by: Matthew Santoro
- Length: 4 hrs and 22 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Matthew Santoro's originality and humor have attracted millions of fans, making him a beloved YouTube star. His weekly videos on amazing and little-known facts are eagerly anticipated by his many subscribers and followers around the world. In his first-ever book, Matthew's love of weird and wacky knowledge explodes with new facts and stories from around the planet and beyond. Surprising and always entertaining, Mind = Blown offers even more of Matthew's unique take on this hilarious, crazy world.
-
-
loved it.
- By Lee Ann on 01-15-18
By: Matthew Santoro
-
Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics
- A 10% Happier How-to Book
- By: Dan Harris, Carlye Adler, Jeffrey Warren
- Narrated by: Dan Harris, Jeffrey Warren
- Length: 8 hrs and 34 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
ABC News anchor Dan Harris used to think that meditation was for people who collect crystals, play Ultimate Frisbee, and use the word namaste without irony. After he had a panic attack on live television, he went on a strange and circuitous journey that ultimately led him to embrace a practice he'd long considered ridiculous. Harris discovered that meditation made him more focused and less yanked around by his emotions. According to his wife, it also made him significantly less annoying.
-
-
Apt Title. Very Few Gripes.
- By Savvy shopper on 08-06-18
By: Dan Harris, and others
-
The United States of Absurdity
- Untold Stories from American History
- By: Dave Anthony, Gareth Reynolds, Patton Oswalt - foreword
- Narrated by: Dave Anthony, Gareth Reynolds
- Length: 2 hrs and 47 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
The creators of the podcast The Dollop present profiles of the weird, outrageous, NSFW, and downright absurd tales from American history that you weren't taught in school. The United States of Absurdity presents short, informative, and hilarious stories of the most outlandish (but true) people, events, and more from United States history.
-
-
Fun With Useless Facts
- By Keith on 05-21-17
By: Dave Anthony, and others
-
The Big Fat Book of Interesting Stories
- Quizzical Tales for Inquisitive Minds: Tickle Your Mind with the Greatest Collection of Utterly Random & Futile Yet Totally Awesome Stories About Everything
- By: Erudition Hacks
- Narrated by: Chris Reilly
- Length: 10 hrs and 44 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Sink to the depths of the ocean with Violet Jessop, dance in the ballet that caused a riot, and fly away in a lawn chair! Stories have the power to transport us to places and times unknown: These stories will bring you to the craziest times in history and the silliest places on Earth. This is not just a compilation of dry facts; the funny and tragical, heart-melting and mind-boggling stories in this book are written with great care to details, historical context, and most importantly terrible puns!
-
-
Trivia and facts!
- By Albert Morrison on 11-04-21
By: Erudition Hacks
-
Finding Your Way in a Wild New World
- Reclaim Your True Nature to Create the Life You Want
- By: Martha Beck
- Narrated by: Heather Henderson
- Length: 12 hrs and 5 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Many people feel called to help others and change the world, but they just don’t know how to fulfill their potential. They have the creativity and passion, but often get lost, not knowing how to direct their energies. Now, popular life coach Martha Beck shows how readers can find their calling in service and healing - while realizing their destiny. With a sparkling, compassionate, and often irreverent style, Beck draws from a combination of ancient wisdom and modern science to help readers consciously embrace vital skills that may be embedded in our DNA and are now made accessible again.
-
-
The new "Alchemist"
- By MPet on 06-14-16
By: Martha Beck
-
The Fighter's Mind
- Inside the Mental Game
- By: Sam Sheridan
- Narrated by: Nicholas Techosky
- Length: 8 hrs and 53 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
To uncover the secrets of mental strength and success, Sam Sheridan interviewed dozens of the world's most fascinating and dangerous men.
-
-
A Magnificient Perspective
- By Chase Chambers on 11-07-15
By: Sam Sheridan
-
Who Ate the First Oyster?
- The Extraordinary People Behind the Greatest Firsts in History
- By: Cody Cassidy
- Narrated by: Dennis Boutsikaris
- Length: 4 hrs and 55 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Who wore the first pants? Who painted the first masterpiece? Who first rode the horse? Who invented soap? This madcap adventure across ancient history uses everything from modern genetics to archaeology to uncover the geniuses behind these and other world-changing innovations. With a sharp sense of humor and boundless enthusiasm for the wonders of our ancient ancestors, Who Ate the First Oyster? profiles the perpetrators of the greatest firsts and catastrophes of prehistory.
-
-
It could be better...
- By Alex on 04-06-21
By: Cody Cassidy
-
The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
- By: Douglas Adams
- Narrated by: Stephen Fry
- Length: 5 hrs and 51 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
Seconds before the Earth is demolished to make way for a galactic freeway, Arthur Dent is plucked off the planet by his friend Ford Prefect, a researcher for the revised edition of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy who, for the last 15 years, has been posing as an out-of-work actor.
-
-
Fun nonsense
- By Randall on 04-25-09
By: Douglas Adams
-
Friend and Foe
- When to Cooperate, When to Compete, and How to Succeed at Both
- By: Adam D. Galinsky, Maurice E. Schweitzer
- Narrated by: Tom Perkins
- Length: 9 hrs and 1 min
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
In Friend and Foe, researchers Galinsky and Schweitzer explain why this debate misses the mark. Rather than being hardwired to compete or cooperate, humans have evolved to do both. It is only by learning how to strike the right balance between these two forces that we can improve our long-term relationships and get more of what we want.
-
-
Unexpected
- By Garron Rose on 01-05-16
By: Adam D. Galinsky, and others
-
John Quincy Adams
- By: Harlow Giles Unger
- Narrated by: Johnny Heller
- Length: 9 hrs and 42 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
He fought for Washington, served with Lincoln, witnessed Bunker Hill, and sounded the clarion against slavery on the eve of the Civil War. He negotiated an end to the War of 1812, engineered the annexation of Florida, and won the Supreme Court decision that freed the African captives of La Amistad. He served his nation as minister to six countries, secretary of state, senator, congressman, and president. John Quincy Adams was all of these things and more. In this masterful biography, award-winning author Harlow Giles Unger reveals Adams as a towering figure in the nation’s formative years.
-
-
Informative and well written.
- By Gotta Tellya on 08-20-14
-
Stuff You Should Know
- An Incomplete Compendium of Mostly Interesting Things
- By: Josh Clark, Chuck Bryant
- Narrated by: Chuck Bryant, Josh Clark
- Length: 9 hrs
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
From the duo behind the massively successful and award-winning podcast Stuff You Should Know comes an unexpected look at things you thought you knew. Josh Clark and Chuck Bryant started the podcast Stuff You Should Know back in 2008 because they were curious - curious about the world around them, curious about what they might have missed in their formal educations, and curious to dig deeper on stuff they thought they understood.
-
-
Fails as an audio book.
- By Sarah H on 12-10-20
By: Josh Clark, and others
-
A Dirty Job
- By: Christopher Moore
- Narrated by: Fisher Stevens
- Length: 11 hrs and 50 mins
- Unabridged
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
People start dropping dead around Charlie, giant ravens perch on his building, and it seems that everywhere he goes, a dark presence whispers to him from under the streets. Strange names start appearing on his nightstand notepad, and before he knows it, those people end up dead, too. Yup, it seems that Charlie Asher has been recruited for a new job, an unpleasant but utterly necessary one: Death.
-
-
Great Listen!
- By Janie on 03-24-06
Publisher's Summary
You're going to wish you never got this audiobook. Some facts are too terrifying to teach in school. Unfortunately, Cracked.com is more than happy to fill you in: A zombie apocalypse? It could happen. 50% of humans are infected with a parasite that can take over your brain. The FDA wouldn't let you eat bugs, right? Actually, you might want to put down those jelly beans. And that apple. And that strawberry yogurt. Think dolphins are our friends? Then these sex-crazed thrill killers of the sea have you right where they want you. The most important discovery in the history of genetics? Francis Crick came up with it while on LSD. Think you're going to choose whether or not to buy this audiobook? Scientists say your brain secretly makes all your decisions 10 seconds before you even know what they are.
Critic Reviews
More from the same
Narrator
What listeners say about You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News
Average Customer RatingsReviews - Please select the tabs below to change the source of reviews.
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Dam Duck
- 10-17-14
Perfect Fit
Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?
Yes. It's very interesting, in a good format, has a great reader, and is very funny. I'm really only writing this review because I saw another negative one that mentioned the deplorable language. It's really not so bad. In fact, it fits perfectly with the way the reader presents it which makes this book that much funnier. I will buy every audiobook these guys publish.
23 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- colleen
- 03-31-15
Excellent
Easy to listen to, great facts. One of the best in it's genre. Might not want to listen to while eating...just as suggestion. :)
12 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Cynthia
- 10-27-14
Buenas fabulas de humor
When I was a kid, I got a big kick out of reading "Ripley's Believe it or Not" books. Published annually, they are collections of odd-but-true short stories and strange facts. My children show the same affection for "The Guinness Book of World Records." I'm waiting until they're of legal drinking age to tell them that the wise folks at Irish brewers Guinness, tired of 196 year's of bar brawls over who the tallest man was and if he was married to the world's tallest woman, published the first guide in 1955.
"You Might be a Zombie and Other Bad News" (2011) takes amazing, verified stories, a la Ripley's and Guinness; adds the erudite snarkiness of the satirical news "The Onion;" throws in the profanity of a World War II drill instructor; and makes lists. Grammatically correct, advanced vocabulary, easily read/listened to, funny lists. If I was trying to get a teenager interested in science, I'd hand over this book - but only after making sure the kid's parents were okay with their kid reading/listening to frequent references to sex and drugs (the references are completely apropos).
One of my favorite lists is, "The Six Most Terrifying Foods in the World" (Chapter 13 on Audible). I admit that's because I grew up eating Number 3, lutefisk, as a special treat at Christmas. The winter holidays were the only time you could find it at Lund's on Lake in Uptown Minneapolis. These days, Ikea carries it in the grocery section, in glass jars. I've never seen it on the otherwise true-to-Scandinavia, incredibly easy Christmas dinner that makes your Dad with Swedish grandparents happy. Who has time to make ostakaka anyway? Only folks who spend their time making the delicious cross between pudding and cheesecake, often served with Lingonberries, instead of putting together your new dresser or kitchen table.
Back to the lutefisk - it's in glass jars and served with wooden toothpicks because it's cod cured in lye. Yes, lye. I didn't realize how strange that really was until I listened to Cracked.com's "You Might be a Zombie". Other great chapters: "Five Ways Your Brain is Messing with Your Head" (Audible Chapter 21); "Five Stories the Media Doesn't Want You to Know About" (Audible Chapter 28); and "Four Great Women Buried by their Boobs" (Audible Chapter 32). The 'boobs list' alone could make four separate books. In fact, I've already read one of them, Brenda Maddox" "Rosalind Franklin: The Dark Lady of DNA" (2012).
Each chapter is 7 to 10 minutes long, the perfect length for a quick trip to the grocery store and back. Johnny Heller narrates. Heller, in this narration, is an audio doppelgänger of actor Martin Sheen. He was so close, I checked to make sure Heller wasn't a nom de oratorio for Sheen or his sons. Heller isn't, and he's narrated several other books I've loved. The only reason I'm not giving the narration a "5" is that I know some of the non-English words were mispronounced. I think we'd all be happier if I didn't know that.
[If this review helped, please press YES. Thanks!]
88 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Rodney
- 10-14-14
Entertaining
This is an entertaining audiobook, basically the same stuff you read on their site being read to you. The reader does a good job and I enjoyed the book, even if it did leave me dumber.
7 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Trudy L. Soura
- 10-02-14
Im dying here,this needs to be twice as long !!!!
The funniest thing ive heard ! You really have to hear it.Its funnier then George Carlin !
13 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- bookouri
- 10-03-14
just plain funny
Any additional comments?
Facts presented in this book may not be "exactly" accurate, but its from "Cracked" so what did you expect. You won't find anything new and extraordinary that you have not heard before. But, it IS an entertaining presentation that the narrator delivers like a stand up routine.
10 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Demon Mango
- 08-06-15
Laughing and cringing
Listened to this book with my wife. We would laugh and cringe and marvel at the insanity that is reality. An absolutely entertaining audiobook. It highlights many lesser known and absurd facts about the world we life in and does so in a jovial and witty manner.
4 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- latasha
- 10-13-14
say what?!?!
this book was great! it was funny and informative. and sometimes a little scary... army ants?! I recommend this book to everyone! there is something for everyone in it.
3 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Mammu
- 09-15-15
Awesome book!!!
Really loved this audiobook! I don't think I would've loved it as much if I read it instead of listened to it. The narrator, Johnny Heller, was very good! He's almost like a stand-up comic here, the way he gives expression to what he was reading, that I couldn't help but laugh at all the places where you're supposed to laugh. Heller's delivery was just great!
2 people found this helpful
-
Overall
-
Performance
-
Story
- Maryann
- 11-11-14
Fun listen
What did you love best about You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News?
The way little know facts (or theories) are presented short and with tongue in cheek.
What did you like best about this story?
The tongue in cheek style and ability to listen in short bursts when time is short.
What about Johnny Heller’s performance did you like?
The attitude he puts in his narration.
Did you have an extreme reaction to this book? Did it make you laugh or cry?
Not extreme but bemused with a smile on my face all the time. Makes me laugh
2 people found this helpful