• You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News

  • Shocking but Utterly True Facts
  • By: Cracked.com
  • Narrated by: Johnny Heller
  • Length: 6 hrs and 12 mins
  • 4.2 out of 5 stars (1,187 ratings)

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You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News

By: Cracked.com
Narrated by: Johnny Heller
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Publisher's Summary

You're going to wish you never got this audiobook. Some facts are too terrifying to teach in school. Unfortunately, Cracked.com is more than happy to fill you in: A zombie apocalypse? It could happen. 50% of humans are infected with a parasite that can take over your brain. The FDA wouldn't let you eat bugs, right? Actually, you might want to put down those jelly beans. And that apple. And that strawberry yogurt. Think dolphins are our friends? Then these sex-crazed thrill killers of the sea have you right where they want you. The most important discovery in the history of genetics? Francis Crick came up with it while on LSD. Think you're going to choose whether or not to buy this audiobook? Scientists say your brain secretly makes all your decisions 10 seconds before you even know what they are.

©2011 Cracked.com (P)2014 Tantor

Critic Reviews

"In a sea of literary lies, finally a book that will tell you the truth about the things you need to know." (Sarah Silverman)

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What listeners say about You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News

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  • Overall
    4 out of 5 stars
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    5 out of 5 stars

Buenas fabulas de humor

When I was a kid, I got a big kick out of reading "Ripley's Believe it or Not" books. Published annually, they are collections of odd-but-true short stories and strange facts. My children show the same affection for "The Guinness Book of World Records." I'm waiting until they're of legal drinking age to tell them that the wise folks at Irish brewers Guinness, tired of 196 year's of bar brawls over who the tallest man was and if he was married to the world's tallest woman, published the first guide in 1955.

"You Might be a Zombie and Other Bad News" (2011) takes amazing, verified stories, a la Ripley's and Guinness; adds the erudite snarkiness of the satirical news "The Onion;" throws in the profanity of a World War II drill instructor; and makes lists. Grammatically correct, advanced vocabulary, easily read/listened to, funny lists. If I was trying to get a teenager interested in science, I'd hand over this book - but only after making sure the kid's parents were okay with their kid reading/listening to frequent references to sex and drugs (the references are completely apropos).

One of my favorite lists is, "The Six Most Terrifying Foods in the World" (Chapter 13 on Audible). I admit that's because I grew up eating Number 3, lutefisk, as a special treat at Christmas. The winter holidays were the only time you could find it at Lund's on Lake in Uptown Minneapolis. These days, Ikea carries it in the grocery section, in glass jars. I've never seen it on the otherwise true-to-Scandinavia, incredibly easy Christmas dinner that makes your Dad with Swedish grandparents happy. Who has time to make ostakaka anyway? Only folks who spend their time making the delicious cross between pudding and cheesecake, often served with Lingonberries, instead of putting together your new dresser or kitchen table.

Back to the lutefisk - it's in glass jars and served with wooden toothpicks because it's cod cured in lye. Yes, lye. I didn't realize how strange that really was until I listened to Cracked.com's "You Might be a Zombie". Other great chapters: "Five Ways Your Brain is Messing with Your Head" (Audible Chapter 21); "Five Stories the Media Doesn't Want You to Know About" (Audible Chapter 28); and "Four Great Women Buried by their Boobs" (Audible Chapter 32). The 'boobs list' alone could make four separate books. In fact, I've already read one of them, Brenda Maddox" "Rosalind Franklin: The Dark Lady of DNA" (2012).

Each chapter is 7 to 10 minutes long, the perfect length for a quick trip to the grocery store and back. Johnny Heller narrates. Heller, in this narration, is an audio doppelgänger of actor Martin Sheen. He was so close, I checked to make sure Heller wasn't a nom de oratorio for Sheen or his sons. Heller isn't, and he's narrated several other books I've loved. The only reason I'm not giving the narration a "5" is that I know some of the non-English words were mispronounced. I think we'd all be happier if I didn't know that.

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88 people found this helpful

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Perfect Fit

Would you recommend this audiobook to a friend? If so, why?

Yes. It's very interesting, in a good format, has a great reader, and is very funny. I'm really only writing this review because I saw another negative one that mentioned the deplorable language. It's really not so bad. In fact, it fits perfectly with the way the reader presents it which makes this book that much funnier. I will buy every audiobook these guys publish.

23 people found this helpful

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Im dying here,this needs to be twice as long !!!!

The funniest thing ive heard ! You really have to hear it.Its funnier then George Carlin !

13 people found this helpful

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Excellent

Easy to listen to, great facts. One of the best in it's genre. Might not want to listen to while eating...just as suggestion. :)

12 people found this helpful

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just plain funny

Any additional comments?

Facts presented in this book may not be "exactly" accurate, but its from "Cracked" so what did you expect. You won't find anything new and extraordinary that you have not heard before. But, it IS an entertaining presentation that the narrator delivers like a stand up routine.

10 people found this helpful

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Trash

This book wasn’t for you, but who do you think might enjoy it more?

I don't recommend this book for anyone. i was very disappointed in the language of the text. I was very interested in the content until I started listening to it and found that the only way the writers could express their feelings is through expletives. An occasional word is tolerable but to utilize GD and other such terms in every other paragraph or more is unnecessary.

How did the narrator detract from the book?

No... I just hope he was paid well to have to read this material.

What character would you cut from You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News?

The writer's language.

Any additional comments?

If I could find a way to get m y money back I would. I could not tolerate more than 5 minutes of the audiobook.

8 people found this helpful

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Entertaining

This is an entertaining audiobook, basically the same stuff you read on their site being read to you. The reader does a good job and I enjoyed the book, even if it did leave me dumber.

7 people found this helpful

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Laughing and cringing

Listened to this book with my wife. We would laugh and cringe and marvel at the insanity that is reality. An absolutely entertaining audiobook. It highlights many lesser known and absurd facts about the world we life in and does so in a jovial and witty manner.

4 people found this helpful

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say what?!?!

this book was great! it was funny and informative. and sometimes a little scary... army ants?! I recommend this book to everyone! there is something for everyone in it.

3 people found this helpful

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Awesome book!!!

Really loved this audiobook! I don't think I would've loved it as much if I read it instead of listened to it. The narrator, Johnny Heller, was very good! He's almost like a stand-up comic here, the way he gives expression to what he was reading, that I couldn't help but laugh at all the places where you're supposed to laugh. Heller's delivery was just great!

2 people found this helpful