Showing results by author "Jeff Strand" in All Categories

It doesn't seem like the perfect house, but screw it, it's good enough to rent for a year. Unfortunately for Boyd, Adeline, and their two young daughters, it's immediately clear they chose the wrong place. The nightmare begins with violent coughs and headaches. Food starts to rot almost as soon as they take it inside. A pet tarantula goes missing. Some family members begin to exhibit creepy behavior. Then the ghosts arrive, and all hell breaks loose....

A cheerful snack mascot who snaps under the pressure. The nightmarish effects of the most depressing holiday song of all time. A virtual-reality environment that allows you to enact your most depraved fantasies...sort of. Giant mutant cockroaches doing battle with zombies in the Old West. An unnerving discovery in the Book of Revelations. The true secret of silent comedian Buster Keaton's success. Plus a Halloween curse, a lot of psychopaths, and much more!  

After a disastrous evening playing slot machines, Ethan Caustin wonders how he's going to explain his massive loss to his wife and kids. As he tries to find his way out of the casino, sick to his stomach and filled with self-loathing, he's approached by a stranger who offers a solution to his problem. It's a simple game. A 99 percent chance for him to win $10,000. In the remote chance that he loses...well, he'll be strapped into a device that shatters his left arm. 

Dead Clown Barbecue is a collection of 29 gleefully macabre tales, seven of which were written just for this collection. There’s even a brand-new one about a ventriloquist dummy. Those things creep you out, right?  

Though still mourning his recent loss, George Orton is surprisingly content. He's living in a secure compound where teenaged werewolf Ally is being trained to control her animalistic tendencies, and mad science experiment Eugene has regained most of his sanity. George knows they can't stay there forever, but for now, things are pretty good. Then he receives some shocking news: People at the compound have brought his partner and best friend Lou back to life. Not as a flesh-eating zombie; he's the old Lou, as much of a wiseass as before. 

Cemetery Dance Magazine says that, "No author working today comes close to Jeff Strand's perfect mixture of comedy and terror." Gleefully Macabre Tales compiles 33 of his most twisted blends of cringe-worthy horror and ghoulish humor, with a couple of serious pieces thrown in just to mess with you.   

Allison can break your bones with her mind, and she can't control her power. Now 45 years old, she's spent her life trying to stay away from other people. But a random encounter with a couple on the street leaves her believing that she may have done something horrible. Something unforgivable. Killer-for-hire Daxton and his girlfriend Maggie know the truth. Instead of easing Allison's anguish, they come up with a cruel plan to take advantage of it. But with Allison's abilities exposed, there may be a grisly body count very soon....

Rod's life doesn't suck. If you ask him, it's pretty awesome. He may not be popular, but he and his best friends play in a band that has a standing gig. Yeah, it's Monday night and they don't get paid, but they can crank the volume as loud as they want. And Rod's girlfriend is hot, smart, and believes in their band - believes in Rod. Aside from a winning lottery ticket, what more could he ask for? Answer: A different cousin. When Rod's scheming, two-faced cousin Blake moves in for the semester, Rod tries to keep calm. Blake seems to have everyone else fooled....

Frank knows that he's creepy. There's nothing he can do about it. His creepiness - along with the fact that his father once killed 11 people in an office shooting - has kept him from ever having a girlfriend. When he finally works up the nerve to ask Abigail out on a date, after buying flowers from her every day for the past three months, he's sure she'll say no. But she accepts. These two kindhearted but weird souls have found each other, and Frank thinks his life is about to change for the better. But this is not a love story. This is a tale of revenge and madness. 

As a stay-at-home dad taking care of triplets, Andrew Mayhem's days of getting into wild adventures are over. His life is measured in diaper changes. Sleep has become an abstract concept, something oft-discussed with his wife, Helen, but rarely experienced. So, when internet celebrity explorer Percival Longshore asks Andrew and his best friend, Roger, to travel with him on a good old-fashioned treasure hunt, Andrew laughs off the idea. 

Somebody has been abducting children in Fairbanks, Alaska. One of the victims was 14-year-old Curtis Black's best friend, Todd. Curtis saw it happen. He knows exactly who did it. But he can't prove that it was his neighbor, Gerald Martin. The authorities find no evidence of the crime. There's nothing they can do. So he's going to confront Mr. Martin himself. And this is just the beginning of the terrifying story.

A city where people are turning gleefully insane. Inescapable blood-sucking bugs. A serial killer who may have discovered proof of alien life. A kinky proposal to "even out" an instance of infidelity. A man whose fingernails are growing at an out of control rate. These are only a few of the stories in Jeff Strand's deranged new collection, which includes several macabre tales written just for these bloody audiobook.

George and Lou used to be thugs for hire. Now they're living in a shack in Costa Rica, hiding from the crime lord who wants them dead. Their last job, to deliver him a werewolf in a cage, went...badly. But they can't hide out forever, and when they're finally captured, it seems as if George and Lou's ultimate fate will involve being doused in gasoline and set aflame. Instead, they're given a second chance. There's another werewolf out there. This time, it's Ally, a 14-year-old girl.

Jaunty the Clown just wants to entertain families with lighthearted slapstick antics, but people think of clowns as terrifying, nightmarish creatures who hide in closets or under beds. When Jaunty, along with his fellow performers, are fired from the circus, they're told that the world just doesn't like clowns anymore. Still, clowns have to eat. And since these clowns don't eat children, to make ends meet they're eventually forced to take a job in a popular haunted attraction, the Mountain of Terror. But millions of oversized spiders are about to invade....

Seventeen authors reimagine the biblical apocalypse and all the hell that follows in 16 horrifying tales. What if the prophecies of Revelation hit today? What sort of craziness and evil would ensue? With this list of excellent authors contributing, it’s sure to be a hell of a listen!

Razor-sharp teeth. Vicious claws. The soul-piercing eyes that stare you down right before it pounces. What will you do when it’s you against a purveyor of pure evil? You think it’s just a dream? Think again. These nightmare creatures have transcended the pages of the books they were written into, they’ve ripped their way from the silver screen, and now they are coming for you. There is nowhere to hide - they will find you. But the question remains. Do you have what it takes to conquer the beast or will you let it destroy you?

Tune in, turn on, and drop in to the rock 'n' roll rabbit hole! Along Comes Scary is set in an alternate spooky ’60s where vampires play screaming guitars, hell-bound hotrodders start a new trend on AM radio, and there are groupies who will do anything for a piece of their favorite band. Stories include "Papa’s Got a Brand-New Body Bag", "Hell-A Woman", and "She’s Got a Ticket to Die". 

A serial kidnapper is preying upon women. He abducts them and then locks them in one of the cages dangling from the ceiling in a soundproofed basement. There, he sits quietly and just watches them, returning night after night, hoping he'll be in the room at the moment his beautiful captives finally starve to death.

Strand's perpetually unlucky character Andrew Mayhem sets off on a simple mission at the request of his wife: Get some spaghetti sauce. On his way to the store he meets Konrath's obnoxious private eye Harry McGlade, co-star of the Lt. Jack Daniels thrillers. Horrific violence, bad jokes, and lots of name calling soon ensues. Some sex, too, but not between the main characters.

Thirty-five-year-old introvert Todd Bryan hasn't really done much with his life, and he's okay with that. Until, at a painfully bad film festival, he meets Amy Husk. She's attractive. She's funny. She's quirky. And...she has an inoperable brain aneurysm and not much time to live. She may not even make it to the long-awaited final episode of Exit Red, the greatest show ever. She convinces him that they should do something crazy and frivolous.